Writch's Coven Begins - Assignment #1

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CapCloud

Still awaiting Sisyphus...

Writch
CapCloud wrote:

There was nothing startling about his face. First glance barely worth a second. And yet, as I let my lazy eye drift again across his features, I caught a hint, an echo perhaps of extraordinary witness. In the infinite averageness of his expression, a spark of blue to his otherwise grey eyes, sharper than I had first noticed, the lines of his forehead like fossile footprints of events recorded ages ago in subtle strata, lines in perfect paralell but for one: one line crossed the rest from the bridge of his nose up and over the steppes of skin to crash in a fine, dark jungle of hair. Evidence of Adventure? The Mark of Mishap?  What I lack in imagination, I compensate for in boldness: what story did that scar have to tell?  I resolved myself to know it.

 “My son, huh?” I handed the young man back the hand mirror, which he placed on the cart beside the hospital bed.

“Yup” he said. “Twenty four years now, Pop.” Didn’t sound familiar.

“If I’m your father then, how’d I get this scar?” I threw my thumb up to my face.

“Back in the Iraq War… first one.”

“Combat, eh?”  See? I knew I was bold…

“No, Pop, you were stationed on an aircraft carrier in the Gulf, don’t you remember?” his face screwing tighter and tighter with concern.

“Oh, yeah, a pilot!” That sounds more like it – didn’t think ground poundin’ felt right.

He rolled his eyes this time. “Pop, you were on an ordinance crew on the deck,” he sighed heavily. “You never once stepped foot on a fighter. That’s your souvenir from slipping on the deck during a storm. You thought the thunder was enemy fire and ran too fast for the hatch.”

Like I said, what I lacked in boldness, I compensated for in imagination.

CapCloud

Lol! I knew this was going to be tough for you :) ANd my son IS 24, lol!

Sisyphus67
PVilla wrote:

The eyes, it's always the eyes.  Not brown, not black, just deep.  Staring at him, the men have a choice, a hand shake or a punch.  Two scars draw the attention to the confident chin.  One inch long half-moon scar crowns the left side of his jaw, the other one of life's marks is directly under his lower lip.  Fifty maybe sixty, left ear lobe was pierced many years ago when only pirates and gays wore earrings.  Cleanly shaven with a not-so-new razor, his smile is welcoming and sincere and glosses over the two chipped teeth from  a forgotton "wrong place at the wrong time" .


He gages the emotions behind the glances that followed him to the bar.  More curious than threatening, so he doesn't turn his head to stare anyone down.  He let his smile warm the cold sternness of his chin as he sat on a stool, the leather worn and cracked from years of supporting drunken buttocks. 

Surreptitiously, he checks the room.  He can see the door he just came through in the mirror and there was a hallway to his left.   Probably led to dirty toilets filled with machines that offered multi-colored condoms.  Over to his right was a single pool table under a light that proclaimed that Budweiser was the king of beers. Three men hovered around the faded felt, talking quietly.

Satisfied, he catches the barmaids eye and, with a nod, beckons her to him.  She gives him an appraising, quizzical look as she saunters over.  Her walk is not consciously sexy, her look not completely flirty.

"What's your poison?" she asked, with a hint of a smile.

Sisyphus67
CapCloud wrote:

Still awaiting Sisyphus...


Sorry; midterms.

Writch
Sisyphus67 wrote:
CapCloud wrote:

Still awaiting Sisyphus...


Sorry; midterms.


And I was this close to sending you a nudge, too!

 

OK, All: From here on, I think Cap may have some sort of format to follow when it comes to feedback. *stepping back from the podium*...

Cap? Mr. Cloud? (Scarface to his friends...) You're on!

CapCloud

Thank you Big Kahuna:

What I've done is copy and paste all the exercises into one text file so I can read, re-read, and comment offline. Purely my way of analyzing.

We'll take them on all at once in individually marked posts (each set of Step One/Step Two in its own post by author of each Step One...but comment on BOTH steps in each)

First commenting on each Step One, then it's Step Two. That way we can also talk about the PIECE as a whole, how the two mesh, and perhaps where the story would go next (I can imagine here seven stories written by seven authors in seven paragraphs :)

Go HERE to begin:

http://www.chess.com/groups/forum/writchs-coven

Writch

As Cap explained above, we should comment within the Coven's forums for better organization.

We've posted each of the pair-o-graphs © in their own threads and then stuck  them for ease of finding them at the top. This way it'll be easier to know exactly which piece is being comment on.

I'm locking this thread to prevent accidental post over here. See you over there!

Public PWoC'ers: If you're still interested in reading our comments, those forums Cap linked to are public, but only Coven members can post to them. Feel free to vicariously participate.)

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