Greetings, Folks!

Im happy to have found a new "writer's group" as it were, since I had to leave my little clutch back in Hawai'i when relocating back to the mainland.

These have been already (recently) posted as blog entries, but I'm interested in your opinions.

[EDIT: I removed these from the wild (my public blog) and into the sanctity behind the safe walls of this forum; they're now further down the thread.]

blog.chess.com/Writch/snowflake-a-sestina-poem

blog.chess.com/Writch/knot-this-time-slam-poetry

blog.chess.com/Writch/issues-slam-poetry-from-hawaii

The one, Issues, requires a little knowledge of the local culture & jargon in Hawai'i. Aloha you may know has more connotation than the denotive "Hello" and "goodbye" - it is often synonymous with the warm, sincere hospitatlity of the Islands. Haole is a Hawaiian word that is often used pejoratively for White-folks in Hawaii - especially transplants: its literal translation means no breath and comes from the time when foreigners came and would not greet with the exchange of breath that was custom before colonialization.

Cheers,

-Writch

I only had time to read the one, so I chose Issues. Glad I did :)

I hope you haven't left your home for good then Writch?

This belongs HERE.... Maybe my blog ain't the best place.

Seeding is Believing

-by Writch

I believe a tree would burn 

because I know some that did

                                (died and dried, broken into fuel)

I believe a leaf could float

 you know I know some that do

                                (fragile and brown but does not drown)

I believe a seed should grow

surely I know some that will

                                (to be new growth of new trees and leaves)

But for all that I have seen –

only the spirit remains inside

And for all that I see now –

my heart only sees one side

Yet for all that I shall see –

                only remains a promise outside

But I believe a spirit could soar

because I know some that did

                                (fuel for the fragile heart that burns)

And I believe a heart can burn

you know I know some that do

                                (drowning in flames of promise)

Yet I believe a promise can be broken

                surely I know some that will

                                (the seed dies to grow into the tree that will surely burn)

But for all that I have seen –

I can’t remember it all

And for that which I see now –

I can’t see from all sides

Yet for that promised to be seen –

                I can’t be sure I’ll be there to see it

And bring this down from the blogosphere...

Snowflake

By Writch

White, unique ice crystal floating in the shade
Drifted into sunshine, then back again in pain:
A snowflake once melted cannot be remade.

Cloud formed and wind borne, the frost beauty briefly stayed
Aloft while dancing in the sky. No man could contain
This unique ice crystal floating in the shade.

On a fickle breeze she drifted, laughed, and played
And when asked to land she would always just explain,
“Once melted, a snowflake cannot be remade!”

But at season’s change snowflake became afraid,
So I swore her my heart to help her life sustain
“Why d’you need, Crystal, to float inside the shade?”

She shunned the gift of warmth, not to be betrayed
Like those that became small tears on the window pane -
Ones melted cannot be snowflakes. We made

Love our last time that night. I felt her love fade
In the dark beneath me - no passion did remain.
A unique ice crystal melted in the shade,
My snowflake, once floating, could not be remade.

And now this slam-poem is unblogofied.... (in new and improved format!)

I GOT ISSUES.
Most of m­y issues
are my issues.
That which issue forth
from my tissues,
the flesh I own,
producing problems
not to be shown
but I call my own
even after I kiss you.
These issues are my curse:
first I work on them,
try to solve them,
sometimes making them worse.
But they aren't for this verse,
to make you cry out,
orworse,
to win your pity.
The issue at hand
is from this city,
from the folk of this land.
It ain't an issue I make,
but one I take.

I TAKE ISSUE
with a word you use,
a word you abuse.
But the issue ain't with you,
only the word
you're used to
and I know you choose, too
I'm here to accuse you
like you accuse me
of taking...
taking your land,
taking your culture,
taking your 'aloha'.
I know my fore-fathers lied
and thus denied
your ancestors they knew
of the land they tried
to keep for you.
But that was then
this is now
and I ask you how...
HOW you think
you know aloha
and how I don't
and claim how I won't.
Ever.
HOWever,
Where's the 'aloha' in 'haole'?
Call McDonald's haole,
Call Hilton haole,
Call UH haole,
Hell, call Hilo Hattie's haole,
But don't call me haole.
Because they're institutions
that make no contributions
to the spirit of this land
But I'm an individual
and that's something spiritual
No matter how my skin is tanned.

SO DON'T CALL ME HAOLE
'Haole' means 'no breath', 'no spirit'
A profanity used to deny,
my humanity.
Steal my spirit is what you try
with a veiled wish for me to die.
That's one-to-one,
one-on-one
as vi-o-lent
with malicious intent
as anything the mainland sent.
Plantation days are passed
the hatred spent,
the labels from then
we have to get past.
And while you may not be
my friend,
my neighbor,
my coworker,
my God, you need to see
how it hurts
your neighbor,
your friend,
your aloha,
your mana,
your God.
 
So don't call me haole
don't call your friends haole -
just don't call people haole.
I recognize the kanaka maoli
so recognize my spirit
so that with this spirit
we can learn to issue aloha
from your issuing aloha.
Then I can see your issues.
The Issues you take
about how the haole take.

Issues:  A very great deal of movement.  Almost like a sea casting about in conflicting directions no  longer contained or directed by the moon's force.  The movement is very rapid, almost staccato.  No idea why but reading it reminds me of the flamenco dancers I saw in Madrid.  The tapping of the dancers shows had a very sharp short sound.  The dancers were either very angry or very happy.  Not quite sure.  It's very dynamic.  Good tension.

Exactly & Right-on. After reading it in public a couple times - especially in front of an audience with locals guilty of this name-calling - I was spent and angry by the end of it. Just like a flamenco dancer. Nice parallel.

(Unnamed Sestina)

Candle flame thaws iced ink to write
Tears froze to my frosted eyelash
My bills past due, the rent times two
Two heels bread to stave off hunger
Too poor for jam-and-butter fare
Lash’d to a distemper’d winter

Cash strap’d, with a hard fast through winter
Sounds of unsung songs I can’t write
Not ev’n of secret love affairs
Could this playwright’s foul’d quill forth lash
Fiction unfit fare for hunger
Winter wanting her wording too

Ideas frozen and swallow’d these two
By the withered whore of winter
And hollow harlot of hunger
Wintertime stall’d, I sank to write
Fears flow’d, so frustrated I lash’d
Hunger exacts an unjust fare

Alas, I cried, not right, not fair!
I lash’d out hard at these knots too
But Fate, not I, metes out backlash
Lash strap’d, hard and fast to winter
Bound by unfair wrongs I can’t right
Winter tied, taut with hunger

To steal bread or starve of hunger
To pilfer, scam a better fare
Times were tight, I question’d what’s right
Ideas of fair – solid, lean to
Right the ulcer’d sores of winter
Brought by hunger pangs’ whiplash

Could this rare plight be quell’d, unlash’d?
Diction unwhett, wear’d by hunger,
Could I last the wrest of winter?
At last I spied spring rites, spring fair
Eyelashes bow’d, hearten’d at these too
Winter dead, I was mov’d to write

Structure Analysis:

Aside from the prominent chaining device: last-word-of-last-line links to  last-word-of-first-line, there is a more insipid one: an implied “coupleting” where six couplets repeat at different parts of the poem’s structure (see chart below). I chose to make these couplets to sound alike.

Also, I interpreted the directions as the tercet as the last three lines of each stanza, which must contain all six words occurring, primarily dictated by the order proscribed, with the remaining three allowing to appear anywhere else within the tercet, bar the last position – I happened to choose two required words per line.

*means a ‘freebie’ – i.e. line unpaired; only restriction is the final word.

Return

I felt the need to return that day
To let myself go and let myself free
Back in the ocean, the salt and spray
The unconditional love of the sea

To let myself go and let myself free
Of the countless, growing troubles of life
The unconditional love of the sea
I know could take them, the daily strife

Of the countless, growing troubles of life
All the trials and lessons – I ask “Why?”
I couldn’t take them, the daily strife
I shook my fist and yelled at the sky

All the trials and lessons – I ask “Why?
Can’t I stop and be allowed to rest?”
I shook my fist and yelled at the sky
To let out all the air from my chest

Can’t I drift and be allowed to rest
Back in the ocean, the salt and spray
To let out all the air from my chest
I felt the need to return that day

Writch 8/24/2003