on the whole refuted thing, black has an equal position after 1.e4 e5, that doesn't mean 1. e4 is refuted. In chess terms I think for an opening to be refuted, the position has to be lost for one side white or black.
No, black has not equalized after 1.e4 e5 because he is a whole tempo down. To be equalized in the opening does not mean that a symmetrical positions is enough. Your total positional standing must be equalized, so at some point you need end up with a slightly better position then white (if you disregard whos turn it is) to compensate for his extra move or unclearer positions where knowing someones move and thereby someones intention is compensation enough to be equal.
I'm no expert on the opening, but I'll throw in my two cents: After 3...d5, Black indeed does stand quite well in comparison with many other defenses. You can't really say it's a refutation of that opening (I believe it's called the Danish Gambit, or do I have that confused with something else?) although I believe that it is widely regarded at the higher levels (as AtahanT mentioned) that 3...d5 pretty much takes the sting out of anything White may have originally planned (hence the somewhat low popularity).
I think the main reason you guys are arguing is from this one word: refuted. Yes, in plain English, it means that something is proven wrong completely. However, in chess, few openings can be "refuted" in that sense. In fact, what is refuted or not depends on who's talking (We might agree that the Damiano Defense is refuted, but can we consider something like the Solkosky (1.b4) refuted?). Also keep in mind that there was a controversy over Fischer's "A Bust to the King's Gambit" back in the day, when he claimed that the King's Gambit was refuted. Even today, many people are probably split on whether it is really a reasonable opening or not (I believe some engines even consider the KG an inaccuracy!).
Exactly. Would anyone actually play the danish gambit if they were faced with 3....d5 EVERY single time they played it? No. That is called a refutation of an opening in the chess world.