https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamus_Defence
Actually it does look like it qualifies as a variation of the Hippo Defense, and Blindside and dengmei are wrong. I think it sucks ass too, but if it's been employed by GMs that means you might have to face it as White sometime no matter how much you think it sucks.
Spassky drew Petrosian TWICE in their 1966 WCC playing this crappy looking defense, so he must have thought it was "worth knowing."
This is not an hippo defence, this is randomly moving pawns. The hippo (as long as it's not played as a "one size fits all" solution against every possible white setup) is a respectable setup in the hands of a good player.
I have a question. White plays P-K4. Black plays P-QB4. White plays P-QB3. I'll be damned if I can find this thing in any of my books. What the hell is it?
It's a french defense played by a casino-guy. LOL
It's the Lengfellner System. I think it's best used as a pseudo-hedgehog (similar to the diagram), but it can also transpose into the well-known Hippopotamus opening.
It's actually pretty useful in fast time controls, since you can fire out the moves really fast and avoid White's preparation.
I have a question. White plays P-K4. Black plays P-QB4. White plays P-QB3. I'll be damned if I can find this thing in any of my books. What the hell is it?
That's the Alapin Sicilian. It's a pretty common anti-Sicilian, as well as my favorite choice against 1...P-QB4.
After 2. P-QB3, Black's most played options are 2...N-KB3 (attacking the loose pawn) and 2...P-Q4 (since N-QB3 can no longer harass the queen after the pawn exchange).
dlutch, it's a very common line against the sicilian, called the alapin. Not much of a theoretical challenge to the sicilian defence, but perfectly good for obtaining playable position with chances for both sides. A quick search in a database will show you countless GM games in this line.
(by the way, i suggest you to use algebraic notation instead of descriptive. It's simpler, more efficient and virtually the only one still used when printing chess books; therefore it's also commoner in chess forums)
Blindside is quite right. Its not worth knowing. Its an uncommon opening. It started as a french defence and redirected to unknown territory.