But Doctor, I am Pagliacci!
How should you counter the Ruy Lopez?

Schliemann(hope I spelled that right)
it always amazed me how much work white must put in to not even get a substantial edge in Schielmann the nc3 line where white wins a pawn is in fact dead even because of how much dynamic compensation black gets. only d3 line promises any advantage (the variation with early bxc6 and nxe5) and even then , white is one mistake away from disaster.

just do bird defense against ruy lopez opening
its better than its reputation. i believe beliasky once drew kasparov with it. By i never felt confortable with black's play.It always seemed pretty crooked to me.
Pagliacci.