Caro-Kann = All Pawns and No Hope
Whats the best black opening?

it depends on the person who plays the opening because all openings have disadvantages and advantages. For example we get the Italian game and it has the advantage of being reasonably easy, and is an opening that gives you different positions after it so that you can practice many positions, but the disadvantages are that the middlegames can be hard to play at times, can bait players to just doing the fried liver and not really learning, and at intermediate almost all players are prepared against it. What I am saying is that if you like the advantages and don’t mind the disadvantages much then the opening might be a good one for you and don’t forget about the style of the opening and if it’s not your style like for example positional style then it’s not for you unless there is another line that can’t go to your not preferred line in any way. I will say more examples of disadvantages and advantages. Advantage examples: easy to play middlegame and opening, is a system opening, gives different after opening positions to practice other positions, matches your style, and not baiting players into just trying to trap players. For disadvantages you have hard to play midgame and opening, doesn’t match your style, leads many players into just trapping people, and not a system opening.

CK is probably the most annoying for White. Well, it is for me.
Either that or the French with the QS pressure for Black in the Advance. The Exchange tends to be boring as Hell for White.

Ive been trying to play the Stonewall Dutch (which you can play if White goes d4, and there's no doubt, it can make it difficult for White to attack. However, I've often then had problems in developing my light-squared bishop, and also somehow been obliged to castle kingside and been very exposed on the f -file. So - I am trying to persevere with this defence, as I believe it definitely has merits, but I certainly haven't mastered it yet. Simon Williams has several good video tutorials on the Stonewall Dutch, as does Levy Rozman, but its interesting that Simon Williams prefers a different move order to that proposed by Levy.

Ive been trying to play the Stonewall Dutch (which you can play if White goes d4, and there's no doubt, it can make it difficult for White to attack. However, I've often then had problems in developing my light-squared bishop, and also somehow been obliged to castle kingside and been very exposed on the f -file. So - I am trying to persevere with this defence, as I believe it definitely has merits, but I certainly haven't mastered it yet. Simon Williams has several good video tutorials on the Stonewall Dutch, as does Levy Rozman, but its interesting that Simon Williams prefers a different move order to that proposed by Levy.
As a Dutchie myself, you often have to employ the zig-zag method if you need the LSB in the game, via c8-d7-e8. Quite often you can win without moving the Bishop at all.

Yes, I see that c8-d7-e8 brings the LSB into your kingside attack, but it's quite slow, compared to putting your pawn on b7 and then the LSB onto a6. But actually that's not my biggest problem. The other problem I've had has been from castling long, thus keeping my h rook for attacks on the h file, but then being exposed to a pawn storm on the queenside. So much depends on how White attacks, especially with his dark squared bishop.

The pawn on e6 can also be a pain. I tend to play the Classical Dutch, and it's easy to get e6 overloaded especially if you Fianchetto the LSB.
Thing is, it's an attacking, aggressive way to play against D4, and there are always compromises, and the C8 Bishop & weakness on e6 are two of the most obvious ones that I regularly have.
i love the caro kan but i feel like there is way better..