Assassinated, but I lived to tell the tale...

In a virtual assassination, yesterday I found myself banned from an on-line group. I was devastated and sought revenge, but how to get it on a civilised site like chess.com?

Then Keyif, an evil entrepreneur with an eye open for people who have been denied justice, invited me to join his new group, The Black Shield Assassins. They would help me do something about my rage. My previous tormentor may have escaped into the realm of banned accounts, but future enemies will need to tread gently around me. If I became one with this brotherhood, they would put out a hit on anybody who misused me.

I joined!

Why wouldn't I? The group motto Rex est Mortuus displayed proudly on their shield gives notice of intent: The king is dead! It contrasts rather strongly with my own somewhat defeatist family motto, Semper in excreta, which you will have to translate for yourself.

This is a fun new group and the initial core of members are dynamic, have great ideas, and are willing to make it something different from the average chess.com group.

Here's the blurb from their home page:

This group was formed to bring together players from all walks of life and experience. We welcome all to our brotherhood except cheaters!

We do require the taking of the oath of Omerta. By taking this you will pledge to not divulge the secrets learned here.

Got a grudge! We are here...tell us a name and we shall go up against that entire team to get you that guy (we shall insist on his/her participation!)...and best of all you get to be your own assassin or pick someone to do the job!

Come and join us. This has the potential to become the most interesting chess.com group of all. Do it now. Click here to join.

But remember, if you're not for us than you're against us ... and we have very long arms!

Thats great and all, but I was wondering.... is it true that kids in australia ride to school in the pouches of kangaroos?

And why not?  You may not know that kangaroos have two large feathers in their pouch to protect their young while they're bouncing along.  A kind of inbuilt suspension. 

They're protected now but during the early settlement brought top dollar in Europe because of their fantastic colours.

Even Alfred, Lord Tennyson, was moved by them and wrote,

The rainbow has no richer hue, than the feathers of the kangaroo.

I'm surprised you didn't know all that already. 

Very good my friend.

I thought Tennyson wrote, "Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana."

How can you live around those animals.. kangaroos they are such scary animals

Not really, most of those kangaroos are small , up to chest hight . The one to becareful of is the red kangaroos they are are above your hight when they are standing up.

Niven42:  I thought Tennyson wrote, "Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana."  LOL, makes perfect sense to me

How does Kangaroo taste?

     best in a stew with candied bananas

Pretty good.  Tasty. 

Crocodile, on the other hand, is very bland.  Needs something added to give it some flavour.  Shark is great.

I was on the Great Barrier Reef some years ago and one guy on the boat was a fireman from Texas (don't remember which city).  He couldn't swim but wanted to snorkel, which he managed to do, but he'd heard all the horror stories about people dying painfully from stingers and stone fish and quizzed the skipper to make sure they wouldn't be a problem.

Finally he was satisfied and sat back and relaxed so I said to the skipper, "Isn't Michaelmas Cay" (our destination) "the one with the crocodiles?"

"Not any more," he said.  "The sharks cleaned them out."

     never  touch the fire coral

                kiss a blow fish

                stick your hand into a dark hole

                pet the sharks

     always    set your sights

                   isolate your target

                   pick your shot

                   squeeze the trigger

 Vi c, there's no point giving me advice.  I'd need a howitzer to hit anything, and then somebody else would have to aim the thing.

I once applied for a job with the Oz public service and had to take an eye test.  One question read:  do you wear glasses?  The next question read:  why do you wear glasses?

Well, I filled out the form and handed it to the optometrist who read through and then said, "I should know better than to ask, but what does B.A.A.B stand for?"

Blind as a bat.

It doesn't make for good shooting.

Ah, Lisa!  You obviously don't know this one:

Two guys want to be released from a mental hospital but have to answer two questions each.  The first is asked, "If I put out one of your eyes, what would you be?"  "Half blind."  "And if I put out the other as well?  'I'd be blind."

So the psychiatrist tells him he can be released and as he passed his buddy he says, "The answers are half blind and blind."

When this man was asked, the questions had been changed.  "If I cut off one of your ears, what would you be?"  "Half blind."  "And if I cut them both off?"  "Blind."

The psychiatrist is flabbergasted and says, "Why?"

"My specs would fall off."

...but you were right, Lisa.  Bureaucracies the world over waste a lot of time on pointless, irrelevant questions.

hahaha that was hilarious

by Dozy
Blue Mountains Australia

In a virtual assassination, yesterday I found myself banned from an on-line group. I was devastated and sought revenge, but how to get it on a civilised site like chess.com?"

I was been assasinated not virtually, but real, by russian mafia... after I declined all offers to cooperate!

Play, pray and live your way!

Greg

I'm glad they weren't successful, Greg.  It's good you're still with us!

Always glad to play with you and share 1 Prize!

Greg