Great discussion. Excelguru's flowchart is awesome, haha. Too good.
I think the mentality should be if you want to avoid a loss, the attempt is to reconcile it as quickly as possible - ie. the person immediately tries to log back in and resume the game. If the potential is that they can say, "Ah well, it's going to sit there for three days or more, I can just do whatever else", it's no good - a lot of the time such adjournment, whether or not either player is able to view the game, will benefit the player in the "worse" position. I'm sure we've all had those times wherein we hit a wonderful flow, disrupting this flow, starting over, can be dispporportionate for the other player.
So, one thing really quickly - we seem to have survived or gotten by with the current beta disconnect situation rather well. Yes, we've lost winning games, and yes it is profoundly dissapointing when we arrive at an interesting position, but we've all been living with it for a while. I've noticed that live chess has improved as far as disconnects go - for some it is still quite fraught (what is going on with your connection, ilovegambits?), but even now it is tenable.
So, I think it should be a thing whereby if an unusual disconnect occurs, the player who is still connected should be given a message like "It appears as if your opponent has abandoned the game due to a disconnection. If you leave this screen open, we will reconnect the game should they reappear within 10 minutes. If you close this window we will temporarily adjourn this game, it will enter into a 1 day holding pattern [with excelguru's thought processes re: is X online, is Y online? kindof situation]. You will be able to resume this game should your opponent re-appear, etc."
It's fantastic that something is being done to address these issues. Ultimately, I'm with Tripps when he says "I think most people are OK with an online game loss due to disconnect if they cannot reconnect soon enough." I don't think the site needs the headache of 3 day old live games nagging or what have you, simply that the fun games you stramble to reconnect to, knowing that both you and your opponent will be dissapointed about not finishing, are the ones that this system is working to protect.
So, I think we should err on the side of rewarding the scrambling-to-reconnect people. It will be interesting to see the kind of courtesy people will adopt - I know personally that if I noticed my opponent disconnected oddly, I'd probably sit with the game for 5-10 minutes and chat away with my friends in the meantime and give them a while to come back.
Hang on... I'm trying to catch up with you guys...