Invent the new worst/most useless chess piece ever!

The screamer. When moved, it knocks back adjacent pieces, allowing them to capture too. If captured, it gives a last scream and you can resurrect any dead peices

The Pepsi number 2, when you move it , it flys and destroy every piece that you have and it moves like a pawn

The Useless Piece.
Moves a square diagonally every 5 moves.
Captures only pawns.
Starting position replaces the king/queen.
The kitten.
Moves like a king.
Once a game, it can give itself up to teleport any friendly piece to any square in the game.
The chessboard.
Covers 64 squares, once a game, you can knock it over and the game ends immediately.

The nightmare. It follows one of your knights wherever it moves and forces it to move back 50% of the times, randomly.

My idea for a useless piece is an invisible piece that is not actually placed on the chessboard itself but is placed on the side of the board. The piece is never put on the board and is never moved or even talked about. I call it the " ."

death piece. it cant be moved by the players,and it eats both sides pieces.there are two of them,one on each side

The Trumpestal. It replaces the King. And is always painted orange, regardless of the set colors.
It cannot move, but spins around its own axis by a quarter π on every move, and fires every own piece it looks at after the spin.
The Trumpestal. It replaces the King. And is always painted orange, regardless of the set colors.
It cannot move, but spins around its own axis by a quarter π on every move, and fires every own piece it looks at after the spin.