I am a noob and I don't know how to play chess:)

lichess ratings are inflated by like 200-300 points lol

at least im pretty sure "inflated" is the right word to use here

try me thats a lie

You are 900. 

Okay do i know how to play it now I hung my queen today

I play chess with my hands.

WHATTT??!!!

Well, when I was 1400 I also didn't know.

Now, I am 1200 and I don't know if I don't know.

If you are new here, beware with the Goat.

Why am I 1700?

don't worry.. i have half higher rating and i don't know how to play chess either

Do checkmate exercises. I'm sure there are some online resources, but I'm old and come from a time when people learned from books, so that's what I recommend. 

In my opinion, the best book for learning checkmate patterns is George Renaud and Victor Kahn, The Art of the Checkmate. My print copy is old and in descriptive notation, but there is a newer edition in algebraic that is reputedly a better translation (the original was in French). https://smile.amazon.com/Art-Checkmate-Georges-Renaud/dp/1849942706/

Another book, really set of books, takes a different approach. This book was published in Russia and there are two English translations with different titles, both out of print. The better translation (I'm told) will be reissued in February. It is Victor Henkin, 1000 Checkmate Combinations. https://smile.amazon.com/1000-Checkmate-Combinations-Victor-Henkin/dp/1849947252/

I have Kindle versions of both Henkin and Renaud and Kahn (algebraic). I also have the other English translation of Henkin: Mikhail Tal and Victor Khenkin, Tal's Winning Chess Combinations.

A newer book that follows the approach pioneered by Henkin is Vladimir Barsky, A Modern Guide to Checkmate Patterns: Improve Your Ability to Spot Typical Mates. https://smile.amazon.com/Modern-Guide-Checkmating-Patterns-Improve/dp/9056918877

Players completely new to the game may want something simpler, like some easy checkmates in one or two moves. But, I haven't yet published the text I'm working on that does exactly that. Even so, there are some very good books targeted towards children that offer such exercises. Adults can use these books, too.

I might add that it won't hurt you to go through these 90 games: https://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=72111

Many of them end in checkmate and offer a variety of patterns and often show the author of the games looking at other possible defenses as you move from one game to another. Greco has been called the first chess master. People will tell you that no one plays the openings you find there, but "no one" is a stretch. I've played the Greco Attack at least three times in the past month and beaten two players above 2000 rapid with it.

Because my opponent resigned after realizing that was a sacrifice 😁

So then it isn’t a hanging queen?

I'm on rank 30000

When I reach 2009 I will not be a beginner

Fact:

@DCthedestroyer. Rapid Rating = 1419.

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Claim:

I am a noob and I don't know how to play chess

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Calculating...

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But how...? Hey! Wait a minute! This makes no sense!

This guy ISN'T a noob, and he DOES know how to play chess!

ah-HA!

I knew something was fishy here, good thing I'm a detective. Who else could solve such mystery?

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Okay, thank the cow that made you, for giving you so much talent. Good day.