The battle over a central square

I'm learning that many middlegames (or perhaps the vast majority of them) have key moments when both players are fighting for control over a particular central square.  

QUESTION:

How is it discovered by both players, which square will be fought for...whether it be one which a player's pawn currently occupies, or one which neither player occupies but both are attacking?  

What's to stop one player from deciding he doesn't want to fight for that particular square and decides to fight for another instead? 

Is there a book, lecture, or other source material specifically dedicated to this aspect of the game?

Your insight is greatly appreciated!

Hi

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐲.

It's too bad that this is a six-year-old thread, because I could actually answer that question.

Contested squares emerge from pawn structures, plans and piece potential.

Controlling the center plays a very important role in middle game and further down. The destiny of the game mostly depends on how the pawn structure and pieces support the center. White has a little upper hand as he is the starter of the game. We find much of the games are opened either with PK4 or PQ4. The game unfolds itself after this. Whatever may be the opening, the golden rule is to castle first and protect the king. The structure of the center is crucial in middle game which will help to build an attacking side.

Every chess player very well knows the above details, still felt like writing.

H

This question came to me when I was just starting to learn the game. I still don’t feel I have a completely clear understanding of it—these days, I tend to rely more on instinct. That said, I’m definitely still interested in hearing the insights of a 2300+ player, if you’re willing to share. Please, do tell. 

No worries at all. I'm always happy for a refresher. Thank you for taking the time.