2078 - Watching Sesame Street.
2100. Watching sesame paste dry on the wall while waiting for your opponent to move.
2168. Watching GlueTube: a website where you watch videos of glue drying inside of a tube, while watching sesame paste dry on the wall, while waiting for your opponent to move because he's watching YouTube and you too.
2169. Trying to sniff the glue in the above-mentioned video(s).
2170. Discovering your opponent has hidden 16 voodoo dolls behind him; one for each of your chess pieces.
Playing chess while playing chess.
2171. Playing 1NaturalDisaster while playing with more than one natural disasters caused by gas build-up.
2173. Hiring a troupe of mexicans to play Feliz navidad continually to distract your opponent from the trex moving his pieces for him, the gorilla cheating for you, and the worchestershire sauce befouling his tidy undergarments... which are now stained pink, covered in bananas, worchestershire sauce and t-rex egg yolk... not to mention his own entrails as he accidentally swallows his queen.
2174. Asking the Mexicans the number for 911 after that. If you swallowed the queen, you probably don't want to talk, as it would be painful.
2175. Singing Police Navy Chad too loudly during the chess game, because you forgot the lyrics to Feliz Navidad.
2176. do a Jeremy Clarkson. (punch a producer in the face)
2177. Having to play the Karo-Corn Syrup Defense because you forgot the moves of the Caro-Kann Defense.
2178. Having to play the B-A-Pest Gambit because you forgot the moves of the Budapest Gambit.
2179. Having to play the chess game bald because your opponent got so mad at you that he grabbed your wig and ate it! I'm grasping for straws here today, grasping for straws, peephole...
2180. Drinking Martinelli's Sparkling Worcestershire Sauce because you have run out of Martinelli's Sparkling Cider and your opponent won't let you have any of his Red Bull. No bull...
2181. Trying to get the cow to eat Moo Goo Gai Pan when he can't find the goo, the guy, nor the pan. Brilliant, eh, chaps?
Got goo?
2182. Wondering too much during the game why when you say, "Moo!" in Finnish, it is spelled, "M Oh!", but when you say, "Moo!" in German, it is spelled, "M oh!" Oh well, I guess I won't Ohbsess Over It...
2183. Researching "moo" some more and discovering that "moo" in German is really "mohen" and that you have suddenly become a moo-ron.
2184. Playing a bilingual gorilla who speaks both cow language and pig Latin but refuses to talk to you at all at the chess board.
2188. A KNIGHT IN SCANDINAVIA: At the start of the chess game you get inside your pawn and start the engine up at the corner of E and 2nd. You drive over to E and 4th and park there momentarily. In the meantime your opponent gets inside his black pawn and revs up the engine. He says, "I'm a Scandinavian and he drives from D and 7th to the corner of D and 5th. You drive diagonally at E and 4th until you collide into your opponent's pawn parked at D and 5th. Then you pawnjack your opponent's pawn even taking it off the board with a strange cranelike object called index finger and thumb. Your opponent calls the police and reports the pawnjacking but an operator gets on the line and says the deputy has fallen asleep at the corner of E and 8th and it'll be about an hour before she can get a king over there to investigate at this hour of the knight. Your opponent says, who cares about the knight, the knight is young, all I'm worried about is is my queen going to get charged for that pawnnapping at the corner of D and 5th? The operator says, "Well, we'll C2 knight what goes down, I guess."
"Didn't you mean C3?! Knight?"
The operator says, "I don't know is on third."
2189. Asking your female opponent if you can play chest - er, chess on top of her rack and that you brought the pieces, but felt no board was necessary:
Getting to know you,
Getting to feel free and easy
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say
Haven't you noticed
Suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new
Things I'm learning about you
Day by day.
Hey, uh, maybe we could play some backgammon, later?
Come on man that's gross
Yes! But we're almost at 3000!
2187 Eat your opponent
Not gross at all, good etiquette...
2078 - Watching Sesame Street.
2100. Watching sesame paste dry on the wall while waiting for your opponent to move.
2168. Watching GlueTube: a website where you watch videos of glue drying inside of a tube, while watching sesame paste dry on the wall, while waiting for your opponent to move because he's watching YouTube and you too.