2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess

2841. Crying to momma because right when you were getting the honey dispenser your chimichanga and warm sopapillas fell through the black hole in the middle of the chessboard, and then when mommy goes to investigate, losing her too. I just ain't down wit' it.  Are you down to get down tonight? Hmmm? Chimi-chimi-chimi-chachanga-ChessPlayinDude's-gone-all-wronga!

Yeah, psssst, what's the password?

Also, I think you have to be at least 2+3 yrs. of age to enter the new forum... 21, in other words...

Oh wait, I was wrong about that, zhikaihuang; it's not the age that
has to be at least 21, it's the IQ... EQ?.. something like that...

If I broke Garry Kasparov's pinky, I think I'd be a Deep Deep Blue after having done such a thing.

2842. Accidentally accepting a draw with your opponent when you were way ahead, when you thought he said, "Would you like to draw? The Pink Panther?", but he really said, "Would you like a draw? I play and think like a panther!"

2843. Accidentally misconstruing the fact that in your chess game your eight pawns are not there to put the toilet paper rolls on.

  "And when you get a promotion, Johnny, well, then you can really wipe your tushie!"

2844. Nerf-blasting all your opponent's pieces to smithereens using foam fried pork rinds and then eating the ammunition.

2845. Inventing a new variant of chess called chess bowling.  The rules of the game are, after setting up the pieces, you place the board at one far edge of the room in which you are playing.  Then take the bowl you are eating out of, or any useful kitchen bowl, but it must be breakable, and take turns rolling or throwing the bowl standing at the opposite end of the room as the chessboard.  A strike, knocking over all of your opponent's pieces, without knocking over any of your own, counts as a checkmate.  Should you only knock over some of your opponent's pieces, remove those from the "bowling pin area" and then it your opponent's turn and he/she will reverse the board position and proceed to be the bowler.  If you knock over any of your own pieces, your opponent can remove these if he or she likes, and is welcome to laugh at you/call you a "fool". Should any food or material leave the bowl you are bowling with, your opponent will get an extra turn. The game ends when any of the following conditions are met: a. all the opponent's pieces have been toppled over, b. your opponent or you resigns, c. you break the bowl (in which case you lose and the game ends abruptly and instantly).

2846. While your opponent is thinking about his/her move, you suddenly place a steaming hot bowl of spaghetti at your right corner beside the chessboard, then you place a steaming hot bowl of chili at your left corner.  Your opponent is now distracted and getting mad at you because he/she is trying hard to concentrate and says to you, "Please, no food at the chessboard during the game!" You then grab a small empty third bowl and place it between the two bowls you already have down and proceed to pour the chili and spaghetti into the third smaller bowl so it overflows and oozes out all over the chessboard.  Your opponent looks furious.  You simply say, "Just chillghetti, dude!" Just chillghetti..."

2847; slaying a wild boar.

2848; Grab your chessboard and throw it at your parents. A bad decision... really.

2849; Create a giant leaning tower of chess pieces as tall as the Burj Khalifa in the UAE then blowing it down over the chessboard.

2850; commit suicide mate and lose in 3 moves

2851; playing flick chess. I loved playing that when I was younger. Basically you just flick your chess pieces at your opponents pieces. Once the king is knocked over you win. Though I usually got told off for it in my chess club. So don't try that :)

2852; put blindfolds on and don't take them off.

2853. Trying too hard to do absolutely nothing in the game, and straining yourself to the point where you need to seek medical help because nothing has happened for days now.

2854. Boring a wild sleigh (and your opponent at the same time).

2855. Throwing a chess piece at your opponent's fat momma; for shame, for shame...

2855 play another game of chess

2857. Chopping your opponent's elbows off because you want some "elbow" macaroni with your chili spaghetti.