Welcome, my friends, to 2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess, the only thread on the chess.com site that brings to you:
during the halftime shows. Stay tuned for more carrots after these messages!
2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess
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"Oh, Leroy! Did you hear that? More carrot coverage?"
"Frankly, Matilda, we could stand for a little less carrot coverage, right now, like that funny green hat you're wearing...I'm gonna have to start callin' ya' Carmen Miranda if you keep this up..."
C. Miranda as Daffy Duck...
hello. i am here to announce that I will be running for president in the year of 99999999. my vice president shall be a hairy gorrilla and he will fetch banananananananananas for me.
zhikaihuang wrote:
hello. i am here to announce that I will be running for president in the year of 99999999. my vice president shall be a hairy gorrilla and he will fetch banananananananananas for me.
Congratulations zhikaihuang! This is good news indeed and I have an alarm set in my Google calendar for when the blessed day arrives. I hope you have a fetching bananananananananana fetcher for you in the meantime.
Let me know, I can be used as a reference should you need one.
The Boston Monkey is in your elbows!
I repeat, The Boston Monkey is in your elbows!
The effect of The Boston Monkey is that it is in your elbows!
It's okay, you can cry on my shoulder.
Look out, peephole, here it comes, The Boston Monkey!
Yes, it's a hairy monkey! And it is in your elbows!
It's in your elbows.
!chess that play dude Wow
twighead wrote:
Fill in the blank:
Too much money, Too little _____
Too much money, Too little quaffing mine Worcestershire sauce oenomel.
Do I like win a prize or something?
Let me rephrase this - How much money do I win?
twighead wrote:
Read between the lines!
Line 1
$47,474,747
Line 2
My, aren't we feeling generous today?!
twighead wrote:
What can I say? 47 is my lucky number
Wow it's Grandmaster Babe Ruth; you know, he was really good with tactics, particularly "bat"-teries...
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
twighead wrote:
What can I say? 47 is my lucky number
Wow it's Grandmaster Babe Ruth; you know, he was really good with tactics, particularly "bat"-teries...
Very punny sir, indeed. In fact, I think you deserve to be a camedian. I mean, comadian. Or is it "Worcestershire"? We will never know.
zhikaihuang wrote:
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
twighead wrote:
What can I say? 47 is my lucky number
Wow it's Grandmaster Babe Ruth; you know, he was really good with tactics, particularly "bat"-teries...
Very punny sir, indeed. In fact, I think you deserve to be a camedian. I mean, comadian. Or is it "Worcestershire"? We will never know.
Yes, the latter: it is Worcestershire; I know you are all terribly worried that I have not posted for several days, but I just wanted to say one thing:
"Hush little babies, don't say a word, momma's gonna buy you some Worcestershire
sauce and some curd 
and if that curd doesn't curdle just right, momma's gonna recommend you just drink the Worcestershire sauce all night 
and if that Worcestershire sauce has too many anchovies in it, momma's gonna let you suck on her left ti-bia 
and if that ti-bia needs some dino-biscuits to add some taste, momma gonna let you take her recycling and, yes, she's also gonna let you take her yard waste 
and if that yard waste smells so bad that it vexes, momma's gonna call up T-Rex, T-Rex Jr., and some T-Rexes 
and if you try to ride T-Rex and he knocks you down, don't worry cause you'll still be the strangest babies in this here town. 
"Yeah, one last thing, Fresh... if you do bump into Zardoz, tell him I'll only play 1. e4 for winner takes all the dino-biscotti and cappuccini I can eat/drink! OK, go out there, Fresh, and don't be drinking none of the stupid juice and don't be busting the stupid moves neither..."
3022. Finding your thrill on Dino-Biscuit Hill or on Grandelius, Nils.
3023. Hitting a brick wall in thread posts.
"This thread's too hard, man! Gimme back the NY Times crossword puzzle
Sunday edition... Bring me some gauze pads for my head... Bring me a ham... Bring me some tender onions... Bring me some washcloths... I'll take a beer... Bring me some Tylenol... Bring me some Worcestershire
sauce, bud... Bring me some sopapillas and honey, man!"
"What's troubling you, brother?!"
"It's not the move 1. f3, it's just I forgot to eat my ham and onion sandwich!"
3025. Forgetting to eat your ham and onion sandwich before the chess game.
...drifting through the wind...
...just wanting to get this thread going again?...
"You don't have to feel like a waste of space..."
Did someone say, "waste?"
Did someone say, "space?"
Did someone say, "WASTE SPACE? WASTE SPACE?"
Did someone say, "SPACE WASTE? SPACE WASTE?"
Waste and Space and Space and Waste? Space and Waste and Space and Waste?
Wasted Spaceded, lambasted with some Paste?
Paced and Waste, with Paste from another Race?
"You're original, cannot be replaced!"
Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe
When they see your foot warts and try to play chess too, too, also!
3026. "Hah! Get a load of this. My opponent just played 1. e4 - the little rascal - the little weasel - I mean, what a little devil! - well, bring home the blintzes, boys, I just sharted up a hole in one."
3027. Letting T-Rex ride his motorcycle through your palace and through your toupee while a game is in progress.
zhikaihuang wrote:
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
twighead wrote:
What can I say? 47 is my lucky number
Wow it's Grandmaster Babe Ruth; you know, he was really good with tactics, particularly "bat"-teries...
Very punny sir, indeed. In fact, I think you deserve to be a camedian. I mean, comadian. Or is it "Worcestershire"? We will never know.
Well, you know what they say?
Easy came, easy coma...
What do you get when you try to joke around on an empty stomach, though?
Instead of a comedian, you get a goeatian. Just go with your gut.
The recipients of my humor? I call them goeasyans.
What were you THINKING?
they just released the V-10 YESTERDAY
and it has TWICE
as many NUTRIENTS
What do you think you're going to AVERAGE your way to the championships? You need metal. AND BONE
AND STEEL
Ah yes, the legendary V-10!!!!! I'm well acquainted with it.
Drink a glass of this and your mom will wish you were never begot, that's how good it is:
1. Worcestershire sauce
2. shoyu (high-Sodium brand)
3. bayberry juice
4. soybeans
5. white vinegar
6. peach yogurt
7. milk powder
8. seabuckthorn pureed fruits
9. coffee-tea mixture
10. liquified chili beans with jalapenos
This'll puff up your fluff more quickly than you can say, "I buttered mah bread, now I'm gon' sleep in it!"