2859. Taking the chessboard to the bathroom right in the middle of the game to wash it off and cleanse it of filth because your opponent told a "dirty" joke that you didn't like, but accidentally losing a few of your pieces down the toilet in the process.
2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess
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2860. While in a timed tournament, go to the bathroom for so long that your time actually runs out (while you're up, of course!)
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
zhikaihuang wrote:
Yo mama's so -- Wait, what, mom?!
Heh-heh, yo momma was callin' youu!!
po
2861 - Taser your opponent.
2862 - Eat one of your opponent's chess pieces.
2863 - Fall asleep on the chessboard.
2864 - Ignite the chessboard (if it's wooden).
2865. Saying, "Say, Lovey!", to your opponent too much during the game, because you think you're saying, "C'est la vie!", but everybody knows that you're speaking English.
2866 - Swear to your opponent in a different language. If they're Croatian then say it in Croatian.
2867 - Try Fool's Mate.
2868 - Resign after the first move.
2869 - rub some chilli powder in your eyes.
2870 - Write in a white font like this. Obviously.
2871 - suicide 
2872 - Slice through the chess pieces with an axe (if they're wooden).
2873 - Do the hokey cokey
2874 - Getting an itchy nose during a blitz game.
2875 - Playing backgammon at the same time.
2852; put blindfolds on and don't take them off.
2858. Put blindfolds on your butthole and let one rip...