2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess
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that one should be 3595
3596. Getting knightmares
Scratch your toes and then touch your opponent' expensive ebony pieces and press his Vtek 300 clock with your toe smelly fingers.
3597 drinking whiskey, playing chess and losing like a person with mental disabilities
call me when you get to 3845 man
Head to the bread
before you are dead.
Why had he fled
to the bread sled?
To get some bread.
It's what I said
and what you read.
Don't need no med.
Just need my bread
with cheese of ched(dar).
Helps my alveolar bed -
I then blush red -
on this here thread.
I'll go get read(y)
to eat some bread
and thanks much, twighead...
Comment approved by Ned.
3599. Playing* Lou Ferrigno in a game of chess (that's right: pretending your doppelgänger is The Incredible Hulk...) and then getting him angry - why didn't you know his white chess pieces will turn green and, then, you are color-blind aren't you?
Fast forward to 1:20 (if need be - i.e., if you are an impatient little twat) to watch the transformation!
* - playing - pretending you are the actor, that is, but a dou·ble en·ten·dre...
3600 watching this video while playing bullet in another window :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1dV3jC4KAg
3602. Saying "Rye-t on, dude," too much when it's your opponent's turn.
3603. Wouldn't it be simply smashing if we were able to take a look back in time at some of the great "47's" here on Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess?! 
Well say no more, now we can!
Without further bamboo, here we go, yes my name is ChessPlayinDude47!
47. Playing Chess with the 47th dude that comes up and shakes your hand introducing himself as the Dude of chess who is the 47th to do everything he can play.
247. Disagreeing with yedddy and agreeing with finn416.
547. Deez nuts.
647. Trying to outplay your opponent by using clever track-ticks; your opponent will say, "You got track-ticks? I don't care about your track-ticks, it's your track fleas I gotta watch out for!"
847. "YOU'RE A CHESS NOOOOOOOOOOB GO BACK TO CHECKERS OR BINGO YOU NOOOOOOB!"
947. Being elephant, kelpful, and lice.
1047. Saying "Dude 1047! Dude 1047!" loudly during the chess match when your opponent thinks you are saying "Dude negative! Dude negative!"
1147. Feed your pieces some food.
1247. Bringing the Nazis back by the butterfly effect.
1347. Just before the start of the game drilling a small hole in the center of the chessboard and erecting a flag flying from a toothpick that says on it: "Center of the Universe".
1347. Spam in my bassoon.
1447. Thinking pinning the opponent's piece means impaling it with a rapier.
1547. Saying your 100% great player dispite that you can't beat someone that's rated 203.
1647. Put one of your opponent's pieces at the top of your head.
1747. Bungling-up your carbuncle while you buncle-down in the chess game.
1847: Losing.
1947. Singing "The Final Countdown" after there is only 1 king vs. 1 king and a pawn.
2147. Sniffing another bum.
2847. Slaying a wild boar.
2947. Trying to sort out your hub in an internet game (the network hub).
3047. Being so tiny Horatio Nelson can fit you in his pocket and use you to promote his Queen at the Battle of Trafalgar, handily defeating the Barbary French T-rex pirates.
3147. Good news, guys! I finally learned how to speak a new language - besides Spanish - I now know how to speak Toilet. Kids, try this at home!
3347. Putting all your chips in the middle of the chessboard and putting all your minced garlic on f3. Don't DOODAT, PEEPHOLE.
3547. Having to watch T-Rex pour too much H-8 Steak Sauce on his Dino-Mighty-Burger yet again and slobber it all over the chessboard. You know, I keep telling T-Rex to stop setting up his chessboard backwards, but does he ever listen to me? Next time, T-Rex, we're goin' with Worcestershire Sauce on the burger.
Thank you, now back to our regularly scheduled programming!
3604 Singing "We're halfway there, ..." when you get to the mid game. Everytime
3606. Experiencing vasomotor symptoms while you just tryin' ta eat da cheese, honey. We need tighter regulations for maintaining core body temperatures and for the rules enacted upon our chess games; that's why I be buyin' the Cheez-Whiz at Winn-Dixie, you just can't find that cheap crap at Harris Teeter or Piggly Wiggly. And when you playin' dat fast bullet chess, menopause to think of a really good move and I ain't in wid dat, ya read me?
Whoopsie, after re-readin' this, I discovahd a mistake, it ain't menopause, it men will pause... and women will pause, too...
3607. Getting hit in the face with a pre-delicious tamale (after your opponent has had both of his bishops captured) by saying the Mexican-word-of-the-day too many times with the "tch" sound:
3608 Using the first pawn you take as a buttplug, and then eyeing the queen a lot
3609. Going to Ohio to play in the big chess tournament, but upon arriving, realizing everybody speaks only Japanese, so no one can tell you how to get to the town of Gozaimasu.
Oh yeah?! Well yo mamma so fat that if she moves any closer to Gozaimasu, we'll lose all of Ohio!
twighead wrote:
2610. Summoning your onii-chan to not only put the chattel in their place, but find 20000 rogue nekos in the floorboards to give a great gohan to!
Yeah, I think I'd rather give a great gohan than to give a Lindsay Lohan, but if I did give a Lindsay Lohan to my opponent, I do wonder what he'd do?
"No! To drugs!"
"No! To drugs!"
Lindsay Lohan saying, "No! To drugs!"...
Tamako Kake Gohan - a great gohan... (until somebody put an egg in there, heh-heh...)
LumberJack2022 wrote:
Why is she talking to drugs?
I don't know, Jack, and I don't know jack, and I don't know Jack. I guess you could say I'm very much not in the know. Me ignoramus.
3611. Saying NO to Bugs
while saying yes to an affair with a banana slug.
3594. Laying (alternate French spelling: Lessing) Miserables on the chessboard while it is your opponent's turn no matter how much Victor Hugo approves. You gonna lay some chicken eggs on there?