3000 Ways to ruin a perfectly good meal with chess related stuff

3000 is far but im sure we can make it. remember to put numbers

1. by a huge and very expensive meal and you start muttering "check, check, check"

2. you order a meal that requires a lot of plates (so it takes up a lot of room) and you deside to take out your full size chess board and play chess on that same table.

3.You order a large plate of sushi, seperating the rice from the seaweed you pattern it on the table to create a chessboard.

4. Spew your perfectly good meal out of your mouth in distress after see'ing yourself get checkmated in the most absurd manner on your keyboard, while playing on Chess.com.

5. You invite two friends, one of which knows how to play chess and the other who does not, and you talk about chess with the first during the whole meal. Like "oh, but you just put the knight on d5 in the Colle and it gives you initiative".

(and/or speak Russian.)

6. You try doing the Knights Tour with the salt shaker on the checkered tablecloth.

7. You and your friends are on in england, they deside too visit a castle called "short's castle" once inside (and the tickit payed for by your friends) you insist that you need to leave without seeing the castle. later when your friends are back you are playing a game on your mobile device and you start saying "i wish i could go short castle"

8. you are living in an apartment but you are sharing the room. your room mate is watching tv and carlsen vs kramnic are currently playing. you deside that the computer is too small so you deside to plug the computer into the wall so you can whatch it on tv. your room mate is anoyed but thinks that since you were in such a rush it must be exiting... 10minutes later "um..."

9.After having spent half the meal as described in 5., you try to explain to what you were talking about to the non-chess player.

P.S. I love 8. (stupid video linked)

10. You tell your female dinner date with no interest in chess all about your man crush on Magnus Carlsen. 

11. At the end of terrible dinner date, you go in for the kiss. When she turns her cheek, you declare an "en passant" and attempt to kiss her again producing a handprint across your face. 

You always explain what a fork is in chess when you see a fork on a dinner table. 

13. You grab the pickle from your plate, lick it and drop it in your friend's drink.  Checkmate!  #simpsons style.

heister, your post should be #13.

Edit: plaidgangster, please post the numbers for you posts.

You play chess on your phone all dinner long instead of talking to your date and then proceed to make a lame sex joke everytime you mate the king. 

You see that your friend has a much better looking meal than you, so you swap plates and yell, "Castle!"

16. You do anything resembling this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_g_ZbGquSM.

That's hilarious!

17. You think that Bobby's Fischer's philosophical outlook is appropriate tabletalk at Passover. 

18. Instead of eating food at dinner, all you do is play chess and drink vodka at the table, insisting that such behavior is at the root of the Russian's dominance in chess. 

19. You tell your female dinner date about which female chess players you think are hottest and why. You then proceed to make suggestive remarks about their great openings.