CHESS JOKE!!!

Chess players mate all night and in all different positions... 

Yeah that's pretty horrible, isn't it?  Oh well, I tried.

Hay, MATE  

Two chessplayers and friends for life also share their interest for spiritism. So, one day they make an agreement: Whoever dies first will contact the other from the beyond. After many more games of chess finally the day has come that one of two chessplayers dies.

A couple of weeks later his friend visits a medium. During the séance, suddenly, a known voice is heard:
-"Hey!  It is me - from heaven."
-"Oh, wonderful", his friend replies. "How is it up there?"
-"the good news is everything is great, the kibutzers get an immediate elevator ride, the great ones are there to give you help when you need it, you can watch any historical match that you want with the finest chess annotators telling you what is going on and you can see videos of what is going on in the players minds - perfect conditions ..."

"... but the bad news is that you are playing Bobby Fischer next Saturday morning."  

ps: plagiarism is a cheap starter for lazy authors

Puc_7 wrote:

Just to specify not all Australians speak like crocodile Dundee, the apparent 80's movie star that still resonates with many Americans. We all also don’t speak like the Croc hunter (R.I.P) that is a very small part of rural Australia. It would be like saying, all Americans end there sentences in y'all.

I realise most people understand what I am saying I just thought it necessary to reiterate.

Strewth bluey, 're ya serious cobber? Ah dunno wot ya're saying? an' normal'y I'm fasta than a dingo with a baby y'know? like quicker than a rat up a drain pipe - fair dinkum!   ~ Jon the kiwi ; >

Strewth fellas, givus a fair shake of the sauce bottle! Ya know that the real smart Aussie players wear thongs so that they don't have to remember how to tie their shoe laces, know what I mean..........and as far as mates go, well it is great fun to tell your mate that you've mated him, like a wink is as good as nod to blind man you know........and ya can't knock chess players they're usually flat out like a lizard drinking trying to find the best square for a piece to have some forking fun, that can't be a bad thing, now can it...........and geez cobbers, us Aussies are always willing to up the ante and bet a schooner on the result, that way after a few games, everyone goes home happy.

that was gay

paul211 wrote:

Just made this up:

The king called the Bishop for an audience and asked him what he did to the queen. He answered I knigthed her Sir.

The queen called the rook and asked why the king was not available, he replied he is castling!

The pawn attacked the knight and the knight warned him, if you don't take your move back you can say good(K)night to your life.

The queen got trapped by 2 pieces and was going to be taken, she called the king and asked him what happenned, he said you simply got forked dear!

I made all these up in the time to type it, try it we might all enjoy your sense of humour.

;">Joetheevilchesplayer wrote:

ok here is a chess joke I came up with. I'm not starting a daily chess joke this cuz there rather hard to make up.

1.you never want to play chess with someone from australia, cuz every time they get you in check they'll say check mate, and then there will be this huge fight. NO YOU'RE IN CHECK MATE! NO I'M NOT THATS CHECK! THATS WHAT I SAID MATE!

-joetheevilchesplayer

 huh i didnt get it (explain.)

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Allot of people in Australia say mate example: Hey how’s it goin mate? It’s like how people from Canada say eh allot, so it’s a play on accents

Pickle1000, that was entirely random. Good job!

As for the Australia joke...no. Just no.

G'day mate

dont  stereotype us

lol

What's the difference between lettuce and boogers?

Kids don't eat lettuce!!

I can't take credit for the basic form of this joke, but I have edited it quite a bit....

Q: How many chess players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One (1) to complain about the lighting. A second (2) will say he thinks the light is fine. A third (3) suggests the tournament director be called, and a fourth (4) fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at a tournament he played in Rome. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight (8) says that if they increase the lighting levels it will reflect into his eyes, unless they issue new boards. (Forunately, everyone ignores him.) Number nine (9) says they should have fluorescent lighting. Player ten (10) says it's just a question of replacing the dead lightbulb, but player eleven (11) thinks the bulb hasn't been working properly since the tournament began. Player One (1) asks him why he didn't bring the issue up immediately, as he would not have been forced into using the Schmidlap Maneuver in an earlier game. Heated words are exchanged, ending in a brief scuffle. The players are seperated, and each is warned sternly "Not to be naughty." The deputy arbiter asks an assistant arbiter (12) to make a sign reading: 'Bulb defective.' A democrat (13) suggests taking a vote on whether to change the bulb and a businessman (14) forms the lightbulb changing association (LCA) as a pressure group to argue for better lighting. Anand (15) is elected LCA chairman. The FIDE president (16) sets up a working party (17-20) to establish agreed lighting levels with the LCA. The LCA chairman Anand then has an argument with its other members about direct/indirect lighting, and storms off with his lawyer (21) to found the Association for Changing Lightbulbs (ACL). Gata Kamsky (22) suddenly says he will not play under FIDE lighting. Topalov (23) declares that ACL and LCA lighting is clearly inferior, and he will not play under such conditions. The match between them is canceled, which relieves Anand. When it is realized that he has a vested interest in the match, he is relieved from his position as ACL chairman and replaced by Bobby Fischer (24) who "though dead, is likely to remain unbiased as a result." Three sponsors (25-27) emerge to hold the FIDE (direct light), LCA (fluorescent) and ACL (reflected light) championships, but none can match the interest attracted by Kamsky (22) playing Topalov (23) with the newly invented "Topalov lightbulb", whose incandescence increases the longer you think. The last sane player on earth (10) sneaks into the playing room to change the defective bulb, but his replacement has the wrong fitting. He is discovered and immediately ejected for his failure to submit to random steroids testing.

That's not very funny

all very bad jokes.

These are cheesey

kids don't eat lettuce?

 Although unbiased about the lighting, would no doubt have something to say about the chairs and the board being used, as well as the chess pieces. . . .After all, he is FISCHER.

 To be honest I only read the first part of the joke, then read the ending of the joke, and lol'd.

But ya that joke is about forum goers, or was until you editied it.