chess jokes here
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"To have a mate, you must also have a check."
umm...a Rook who just started playing chess but is good at it is a Rookie
A: My dog plays chess with me
B: Wow, that must be a smart dog!
A: No actually he's kinda dumb, I win almost all of the games.
nice jokes all.
If a queen is a bishop and a rook combined, what do you call a queen combined with a knight?
(Don't ask me, I don't know the answer)
ozzie_c_cobblepot wrote: Bonus points for anybody who knows a knock-knock chess joke.
knock knock
whos there?
checked mate
checked mate who?
i just checked in on your mate and he's great.
do i get my points now? please.
It's the funniest one I found:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
ha!
Bahahaha. Gosh, Aeppel, you're terrible.
Jun 24, 2008
0
#11
This is a chess site, so I probably shouldn't be saying this but--
What's the difference between a nice chess player and bigfoot?
Bigfoot's been sighted.
Jun 24, 2008
0
#12
Love the Kasparov joke. That is awesome.
Is that one really a knock-knock joke? Doesn't it have to be knock-knock who's there checked mate checked mate who checked mate ................
You get your points though for being speedy.
dwaxe wrote:
This is a chess site, so I probably shouldn't be saying this but--
What's the difference between a nice chess player and bigfoot?
Bigfoot's been sighted.
lol good one
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Anand?
Anand who?
Ann and Ann and Ann and Ann and I can't stop stuttering.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Smyslov.
Smyslov who?
I said "It's me, love".
(note, you have to pronounce Smyslov like "smee-slov", which is how I've heard it pronounced.)
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ivanchuck.
Ivanchuck who?
I van Chuck to come out and play.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Pontoo.
Pontoo who?
Pawn to King's Four.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Nakamura.
Nakamura who?
knock a more and more if you don't let me in.
Did you hear Vlad Putin wants to put Garry Kasparov on trial? Yeah, he says Garry has a checkered past.
Jun 24, 2008
0
#17
I believe it was Alekhine who was once asked if he liked "la dames" (French, women/queen.. I believe) better in the bed or on the board.... his immediate response.
"Depends on position."
Jun 24, 2008
0
#18
How many Chess Players does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to buy it
5 to criticize the quality of the light bulb bought.
1 to change the light bulb
34 to say that there are more efficient ways to change light bulbs that don't involve losing so many skin cells
15 to remind the changer to write down the moves he used to change the light bulb.
104 to watch every single slow move the chess player makes in changing the light bulb.
63 to say; "OMFG! He missed a sequence that would have checkmated the light bulb!"
235 to turn on the 63 saying; "The light bulb would have avoided it."
Jun 24, 2008
0
#19
hahahahahaahahha ... that's one of the most retarded jokes I've ever read but thankyou. I loved it.
what do hockey players call a defeated king?
A checked-mate . . . get it?
what did the pawn say to the other pawn?
we're just pawns in this game. funny . . . right?
if i think of more i will post them here.
hope u enjoyed these.
king bishop