A passed pawn comes home from work one day driving a fancy new car. His wife is astonished and says "Honey, I don't think we can afford this nice new car on your salary." The passed pawn says "Relax, I'm about to get promoted!"
Funny Chess Jokes
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britishquaker wrote:
A passed pawn comes home from work one day driving a fancy new car. His wife is astonished and says "Honey, I don't think we can afford this nice new car on your salary." The passed pawn says "Relax, I'm about to get promoted!"
And you call yourself English?
Mar 22, 2016
0
#184
@kleelof: why did you make that comment? Is it not possible being English and writing down this joke? Is it due to the word 'Honey'? Or salary?
Mar 22, 2016
0
#185
What did Lasker say when Capablanca offered him a draw?
"No way, José!"
DoctorKraken42 wrote:
What did Lasker say when Capablanca offered him a draw?
"No way, José!"
That's wise-Kracken...
LoekBergman wrote:
@kleelof: why did you make that comment? Is it not possible being English and writing down this joke? Is it due to the word 'Honey'? Or salary?
It's a horrible joke. Certainly not worthy of all the great comedy to come out of England.
Reti, set go
grizzles wrote:
I love it 😅 too bad I don't know anyone to share it with😢
One friend said to the other "I saw an explosive game of chess the other day...", to which the other replied "How so?"
"The first move was pawn to c4!"
hondoham wrote:
I love it 😂
How many squares are there on a chess board?
Two plus the spectators.
Mar 28, 2016
0
#192
Capablanca used to tell this story to friends.
"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."
"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black, perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"
"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."
"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."
"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."
About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"
"Why, we killed him, of course."
Mar 28, 2016
0
#193
A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
Why should Giri have been an artist,
Because he is so good at drawing.
My girlfriend once famously asked me "What does the FM acronym stand for? Fu**ing Master?"
LOL!
What do you say if you are a British grandmaster when Dennis Rodman hands you a roast beef sandwich with horseradish on it?
Answer: Rod! Mon! (Get it? Rod, as in rad, as in radish?)
This joke's very deep; thanks - I'll be here in the forum signing autographs all day - please stop by the booth.
it will never funny if u get kicked right on to your faces
Wood13 wrote:
it will never be funny if you get kicked right on your head
The idea for this topic is merely to have fun!
Please add any chess jokes you may have, and, most importantly... have a good time!!!!
Cheers!!!
My joke: The Merchant and the Arab
A Spanish merchant traveling a lonely road did business from town to town. One day he came aross an Arab sitting in the middle of the road with a chess board.
Curious, the merchant asked, "Why are sitting here alone playing chess?"
"Oh, I'm not alone," said the Arab.
"But I don't see anyone with you."
"That is, the Arab replied, because I play the great Allah, the One who is everwhere!"
"You have a powerful opponent, then!"
"Yes, but a fair one."
"And is He winning?" asked the merchant.
"It seems so. Can you see how I can avoid being checkmated by His next move? It will mean I cannot play anymore today."
"Why not?" asked the merchant, puzzled.
"I will have lost all my money," replied the Arab.
Stunned and not believing his ears, the merchant said slowly, "You and Allah play chess for money?" He had never ever heard of such a thing.
"Yes. See, here I lose twenty gold pieces."
"But wait, how do you pay Allah?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't take the money Himself. He sends some honest holy man who takes it from me amd gives it to the poor. That is the same as giving it to Allah. And, since I have indeed lost, you must be the man Allah has sent today. Here, do Allah's and take these twenty gold pieces."
The merchant, not as honest or holy as he might have been, was delighted.
Weeks later, again traveling that road, the merchant shook his head at the thought of the Arab playing chess with Allah. Suddenly, in the middle of the road was the Arab, sitting alone with his chess board.
"Is Allah winning today?" asked the merchant pulling his wagon up alongside.
"No," replied the Arab, happily. "In fact, in one more move I shall checkmate Him, and win a hundred gold pieces!"
"And however will Allah pay you?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't pay me Himself. He sends some honest holy man who will give me what I have won! Today," the Arab finished, you must be the man Allah has sent to pay me one hundred gold pieces."
Interviewer: "How would you describe your feelings when you won the game?"
King: "I was moved."