Funny Chess Jokes

curacao2 wrote:

Remember when funny-chess-jokes used to be funny?

Hahaha, good joke.


What has life become?


After a tense chess game between the two chess engines, a commentator said :

"Even though it is a suspense game i think they have played with no effort".

The idea for this topic is merely to have fun!
Please add any chess jokes you may have, and, most importantly... have a good time!!!!
My joke: The Merchant and the Arab
A Spanish merchant traveling a lonely road did business from town to town. One day he came aross an Arab sitting in the middle of the road with a chess board.
Curious, the merchant asked, "Why are sitting here alone playing chess?"
"Oh, I'm not alone," said the Arab.
"But I don't see anyone with you."
"That is, the Arab replied, because I play the great Allah, the One who is everwhere!"
"You have a powerful opponent, then!"
"Yes, but a fair one."
"And is He winning?" asked the merchant.
"It seems so. Can you see how I can avoid being checkmated by His next move? It will mean I cannot play anymore today."
"Why not?" asked the merchant, puzzled.
"I will have lost all my money," replied the Arab.
Stunned and not believing his ears, the merchant said slowly, "You and Allah play chess for money?" He had never ever heard of such a thing.
"Yes. See, here I lose twenty gold pieces."
"But wait, how do you pay Allah?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't take the money Himself. He sends some honest holy man who takes it from me amd gives it to the poor. That is the same as giving it to Allah. And, since I have indeed lost, you must be the man Allah has sent today. Here, do Allah's and take these twenty gold pieces."
The merchant, not as honest or holy as he might have been, was delighted.
Weeks later, again traveling that road, the merchant shook his head at the thought of the Arab playing chess with Allah. Suddenly, in the middle of the road was the Arab, sitting alone with his chess board.
"Is Allah winning today?" asked the merchant pulling his wagon up alongside.
"No," replied the Arab, happily. "In fact, in one more move I shall checkmate Him, and win a hundred gold pieces!"
"And however will Allah pay you?"
"Oh, of course Allah doesn't pay me Himself. He sends some honest holy man who will give me what I have won! Today," the Arab finished, you must be the man Allah has sent to pay me one hundred gold pieces."

wow, @KIKOAPOLLO13 sounds familliar. as if i've read the exact same thing at the first page.


@JorianPruin XD

Once 2 friends Jinkle & Pinkle decided to play chess.
Jinkle boasted that he could defeat Pinkle with his left hand.
Pinkle accepted the challenge. Jinkle won playing with his left hand. When Pinkle started to cry Jinkle confessed that he was a southpaw. Thanks.
Not much nice but good 👍👏👏👍
How does the king pay? He pays by check!!!

Barry_Thomas_Brown wrote:

I was arrested for playing chess in the middle of the road yesterday, I asked the police officer; 'is it cos I am black?'



It’s sort of racist. 


Q:  What did the guy from Texas, who invented the move 'en passant', originally call it ?

A:  El Paso


My bullet games. 


So I was playing online chess on the computer, and my wife was doing some cleaning and vacuuming. At one point, she angrily asked: Can't you get up and help me a little bit? So I said: You know, life is like chess sometimes. Wife: How's that? Me: Well, what's the most powerful piece on the board? Wife: The Queen! Me: Yeah? So what does she do? Wife: Everything!! Me: What about the King? What does he do? Wife: Nothing!!! Me: Exactly!


Two chess players were playing chess. The player with the white pieces were waiting patiently for his opponent to make his move. He was not bothering him to make his move since he was already pondering his move for a long time already. So he keeps on waiting as what a true gentleman would do. After waiting for three hours, he kindly asks, " Are you going to make your move now?". His opponent answered, " I thought you are the one who is supposed to make the move". They both declared, "Game misplayed".


I think I might take the knight off!!

Check you later then!


That story checks out happy.png