Joke chess problems

Comp says 0 solutions. :O

Maybe the author knew that, however, and was poking fun at how humans will see obvious patterns (like the Kings consuming lines of Bishops) and miss defenses outside the pattern (like 1...Bg5).

Probably the composer just overlooked the non-obvious defences. After all, it was 1976, and the composition is very lighthearted.

Here's a different one, obviously a ton of cooks but it's the concept that counts. Like the previous one, I got it from Paul Lamford's 100 Chess Puzzles, attributed to T.G. Whitworth in 1987, but it may have come from his book of [Hermanis] Mattison's Chess Endgame Studies published that year.

How good are you at mating with bishops? This is not a complete joke, but certainly not your average chess position either.

#22 Spoiler

The black king can only be checked on a white square. So all his black-square moves must be covered by the king. The white king cannot cover g1 and h2 at the same time so the pawn must be forced to h2 and the checkmate delivered by a bishop on the long diagonal.

That is exactly what I had in mind, but I kept finding problems when the pawn is on h3 (the Black king can easily shuffle between h1 and h2, and once the White king gets to g3 to block h2, Black king slips away to g1, either getting draw if White king captures the pawn or queening it in two moves). Since that's not the case, the pawn will not be on h3...and I'm stuck.

Obtained from this, here's another. The rest you can see on the site.

Mate in 1/2.

(By the way, can you load the Java files on the webpage? Since I can't. I think they might have the solutions, but in any case I think I have figured out all the solutions for the five problems and need someone to cross-check with.)

I've seen the 2 mates in 1/2 and the mate in 0 before. The mate in 1/4 I can solve. Mate in 1/3... I can see a mate in 1/2 but not 1/3, unless I'm counting (!? counting?) wrong. And I can't see the Java either, who uses Java?

...Okay, I think I missed that because I didn't see f1 is protected by the bishop. :P But amazing problem.

My interpretation for joke 3 (highlight): [It's capture en passant. The move g7-g5 counts as 1/3 of the move, the requirement (without the requirement, White can't do en passant). Removing g5 from the board counts as another 1/3, and moving f5xg6 e.p.# is the last 1/3.]

I'd argue that black's move does not count as part of white's, but that's like arguing about cosmetic surgery while dissecting a gummy bear.

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Metaphor of the day ®

So much of that metaphor that I can't figure out what it means. :P

Here, Black seems to have an easy win, by 1...Rf1 and 2...Ra1#. However, White can play a move that doesn't allow black to win. White to play and draw:

Solution: 1. h8=K! It seems like you're just walking into discovered checkmate, but if black tries to play that discovered checkmate, but that's STALEMATE to the king on a7! You've got to be able to checkmate both.

Diagram for solution:

@Pretzel74:

(a) White need not promote to K but can easily draw by hxg8=Q because of the looming stalemate.

(b) In a quick scan it appears easy to checkmate both kings simultaneously! The final position would look something like this:

I know that 1. hxg8=Q was a draw.

How to win for White here?