My Chess Poem

I also posted this in my blog

Chess

By chess11kid

On the Chess Board strong,

There was heard a gong,

Which told of the start of a war.

Where the black and white pieces,

Who were Masterpieces

Were making a plan of attack.

They sat in there places,

Discussing there faces,

Which were rather weird to behold.

There was one like a castle,

by the name of a Rook,

Who sat there reading a book!

There was another like a Horse,

Who really by course,

Moved in the shape on an 'L'.

Then was there one,

With a hat on,

And his real name, was Bishop!

Then was the Queen,

Who just had been,

Wedded to the king.

The Pawn was a footsolder

Who never retreated,

And never got concieted.

Then was the King,

A really wonderful thing,

Who controlled all his men.

Then when all was ready,

The kings said "Get Steady"

And the battle started to rage.

In the First Stage,

Black was on the rampage,

and White was hard put to it.

But in the Middle-Game,

One whites pawns decided to re-name,

Its poor little self as a Queen.

Then were the two armies,

put greatly to the test,

And all of them fought there best.

But one by one,

Though All of them had fun,

They all were captured, and that was that.

Until alone on the board,

Sat the Kings with a sword,

And they agreed to call it, a draw.

By chess11kid

Very nice!  kudos!

Thanks

lots of spelling and grammatical errors.  Words seem to be capitalized haphazardly with no rhyme or reason.  rhyme scheme is choppy. I am not going to lie, this was painful to read. The premise of your poem is fine, but it was poorly executed.

Here is just one example

'That was that' indicates an action that has finished.  However the next line starts with 'Until' implying that the previous action was a continuing action e.g. 'fought until.'  Then you write 'And they agreed to call it, a draw.'  There should be no comma in this sentence.

They all were captured, and that was that.

Until alone on the board,

Sat the Kings with a sword,

And they agreed to call it, a draw.

to be fair though, you are only 13 lol

chesshole

That is the point-he is only 13. He shows imagination. While your points about grammer and mistakes are correct--to me imagination and trying are more important.

i really like the imagery you use in 'the wonder that is AMMA'  kudos for doing poetry in a non-native language.

all these poems are giving me the idea to write my own chess poem.  stay tuned

I have also written chess poems and some songs etc. When I was in Ponziani Power Vote Chess I was the resident poet.

foreign language.  My native language is English, so it didn't feel right to say 'foreign language'

Just a few things,

Also, my father is an english teacher, I am only 11.

Thanks everybody for all the feedback. Ill try a bit more on my next poem and hopefully not get more spelling errors!

English is my native language.

very nice poem

Stick with it if you find value in it.

Very nice ChessKid!

You've got the gift. Keep making more and keep them all together in a safe place.

thanks

what gift is that?

Of creative expression through writing.

If your first instinct was to take out your mental red pen and try correct "errors" then it explains why you'd have to ask.

i don't watch a movie or any piece of art and think, 'this has a lot of mistakes, but i'm sure the people involved all tried hard'  I feel like my criticism was constructive.  His idea was good, but it could have been more and I think he recognized that, judging from his post.  I also recognized that he is very young in my follow-up post. 

When you say 'you've got the gift' it sounded to me like you are saying he is a prodigy or exceptionally talented or something.  i guess if you mean it is great that he is exploring poetry at a young age then i agree it's a good thing.  I wouldn't say 'he's got the gift' in that context though.

+1, Ponz.  There are a couple of points of perspective in it which I like (namely the pawn renaming itself and the kings sitting down to agree to draw).  One thing I would advise is when the writer looks back on it, if he doesn't like it then put it to one side and reshape the core ideas at a later stage.  Certainly do not take to heart any of the comments here when, as Ponz correctly identifies, it is effort and imagination that matter.

That's okay buddy. I can see where you're coming from too. But, we can agree to disagree. Having the desire to creatively express yourself through writing isn't about comparing yourself with someone else or embodying some kind of "prodigy" status that others can confer upon you. 

When you truly have the gift, it doesn't matter what others think.

And it can be developed.

The most important part is the desire there and it's quite obvious ChessKid has it.

I understand you when you say it doesn't make sense to you what I see.

The gift itself is enough to just be as it is.

It doesn't depend on "potential" to perform at some higher level years later so that someone with the "appropriate" credentials can confer their most noble validation or anything of the like.

It's the gift where you can be alone and your world crashing down outside all around you, but you express yourself in writing even if nobody else reads it.

And especially during those times when no other soul but your own reads it.

If you have that passion, you understand it and can recognize it in others.

If you don't, then you'll appraise it as just another "thing" instead of part of you.

Because that's what the gift is. It's expressing a part of you.

So within that context, that's my take on it.

Some of the best writers use odd formatting, grammar and sentence structures. It's not because they can't adhere to a more rigid and correct technique.