Signs you're a bad chess player

well, considering I am working on a forum version of an artical on a bongcloud variation, not nececarily the best idea for those wondering what variation, its the latvian Bongcloud (e4 e5 Ke2 f5) which just so happens to be the variation I played when I first found the Bongcloud

Sign of a bad chess player: 555

You play 1.a3 and 2.b3...........8.h3 and after that put your king on f2

You see only the lower part of the board then 

You play kt-d2 and say check to your opponent.

your computer anaylisis says your best first move is to resign

you think checkmate means to pay someone in australia

Trailing zeros aren't significant digits. They're just place holders. If there was a decimal point between the one and the zeros, it would make the zeros measured zeros, which would make them count as significant digits (bringing the total to 7). I took Honors Chem last year and I still use it in Honors Physics. Trust me on this one.

He's right. there is only one significant figure. 

 True. I read up on it.

Sign of a bad chess player is coming...666

#666!!!!OMG@@@...anyways...
1.You slide your knight, bulldozing all the pieces in between.

You are looking for a Sicilian Defence game in a Ruy Lopez Opening book!

You've noticed the "turn-based" option on chess.com and looked for the version where you don't take turns.

Then, you wondered about the alternative to "live" chess.

If you've ever heard the phrase: "If I had a nickel for every good move you've ever made... I'd have a nickel."

If you've ever heard the phrase "If I had a nickel for every good move you've made, I'd be in lots of debt."

You're playing a game of ten minute chess at your chess club. Before you make the first move, a member of your club comes up to you and asks you what time it is. You look at your clock and say "5 seconds."

You think that the king must be in an adjacent square to a queening pawn in order to take his vows with her.

Your knight turns into the headless horseman and decapitates all of your pieces.

Your pieces call live chess "We're dead" chess.

You think that chess is as plain as black and white.

You argue that the white pieces are actually beige.

You think that the queen's gambit involves a queen sacrifice.

Your king is so used to being checkmated that it starts the game off laying down.

Your knight arrests your king for conspiracy to kill all of his disloyal subjects (i.e. his own pieces).

Your opponent's queen sings "Can you feel the love tonight?" as she gives your king the kiss of death.

You're playing white. None of your pieces suvive to attend the wedding between the black queen and your king, overseen by the black bishop.

The only way that you win games is when you knock over your opponent's king.

Your chess coach's rating drops 1000 points as a result of training you, yet he can still beat you within 10 moves.

Your pieces call the board the Domus Aurea and call your king "Emperor Nero."

   what!!!!

Emperor Nero was an Emperor of Rome. Many people regard him as the craziest Roman emperor because he issued mass executions, one of which included the execution of his mom. Many Romans accused Nero of setting the Great Fire of Rome (which burned down 2/3 of the city) in order to clear space for the Domus Aurea, a palace that Nero built for himself.

You're a bad chess player if the following (modified) line of "Can you feel the love tonight?" describes the style of chess that you normally use:

"It's enough to make kings and vag-a-pawns resign their game of chess."

Your king is frequently the male version of a damsel in distress. He thinks that his rescuer is your opponent's queen.

I'm in finance, trust me on this one.......6 zeros after one is WAY more significant a number than a decimel point.  :}

 Dude, other than 8.h3 and 9.Kf2, that's an opening! "The Hippopotamus Opening" I'm 2-1 on live chess with that opening.