I actually found this funny...am I retarded?
Why I Shouldn't Be a Greeter on Chess.com!
Sort:
Haha! I didn't have much luck as a greeter (fired from Walmart, also). Most didn't even move. There was similar dialogue with the few that did interact, and my covert chess agent status was then taken away.
What are your favorite parts? Even though I wrote this, mine is "whats a L?"
I liked the part with "what's a GM" and not knowing what a "ladya" is. This person either is a genuine newbie or is pulling your leg.
Thanks, trysts! Ooh - I have to log back on, because d00d1234 has returned:
d00d1234: hey y u log off
Ladya79: Even we Chess.com greeters need to take a break occasionally.
d00d1234: k hey theres a GM named roman how do u say his last name
Ladya79: I'm having some trouble with that one myself.
d00d1234: haha n00b
Ladya79: How are you enjoying Chess.com so far?
d00d1234: dunno its still so confusing
Ladya79: What site features are you having trouble with?
d00d1234: k im white in my game vs axvesik. y cant i play 1. Ne4?
Ladya79: That's not a bugged site feature; that's an illegal move.
d00d1234: wut i play it alla time w/my 4 yr old cousin
Ladya79: I'm sorry, but here all games only accept legal chess moves.
d00d1234: lame hey, whats "tactics trainer"
Ladya79: Something both of us should probably use more to practice.
d00d1234: wth i'm gr8
Ladya79: Even though you only have the 1200 default new member rating?
d00d1234: ya u r 1060 looooooooooooooooser
Ladya79: Again, thank you for choosing Chess.com! Logging off...
Keep it posting! I laughed so hard! 
Funny Stuff !! I paid my dues and did 10 greeter games :
mateologist: Welcome to the best site on the Web, your move !
snowflake6789: Thanks but i insist you move first !
mateologist: But you have the white pieces !
snowflake6789: i am trying to be nice, what r you a Moron !!
mateologist: Yesssssssssssss !! 
mateologist: LOL! I am SO sorry, but thanks for making me smile! 
AlCzervik: Fired from Walmart, eh? They seem to fire everyone these days, especially before they qualify for health insurance, higher pay and/or longer hours...
Oh, no, here comes my favorite new member of Chess.com again...
d00d1234: y u logoff again? not fair
Ladya79: Once more I apologize, but nature called, or rather screamed.
d00d1234: haha did you shart
Ladya79: Are you having any more problems with the website as of now?
d00d1234: whats this plus sign after i moved. i cant move my pieces
Ladya79: Try moving your King, because you have been put in check.
d00d1234: wth
Ladya79: Your King is under attack, and you have to protect it.
d00d1234: o i c i wanna c u p -- get it?
Ladya79: Very funny. Any more website features that puzzle you?
d00d1234: ya y is there a button that sez "learn". i thot u wr already sposed to know how to play if u joined this site - amirite or not?
Ladya79: The "Learn" menu is there for players of all levels to view, because chess is a very complex game and there's always room for improvement. Why don't you click on one of its options and try it?
d00d1234: nuh uh im gr8 already
d00d1234: movity move move - o its my turn
d00d1234: hey what's this hashtag after my opponents move? "axvesik" moved, and now i can't move anything @ all wth
Ladya79: ...?
d00d1234: Qg7#...o i c she posted her move on twitter but i cant move
Ladya79. No wonder you can't move, because she checkmated you.
d00d1234: i won rite?
d00d1234: hello
d00d1234: hello
Ladya79: Try our "Rules & Basics" feature, and thank you for choosing Chess.com! *Logs off without telling d00d1234*
My saved games so far:
I have never had a chance to checkmate my opponent in C-K. So I let him do this against me!
"I have never had a chance to checkmate my opponent in C-K. So I let him do this against me!"
Let him, sure you did!
I've done that mate against the ICC blitz computer before. Feels so cheap putting the queen on e2 though.
Speaking of "cheap," I wonder why only one of your new member opponents played all the way through and the others didn't even make it past move 1?
Ladya79 wrote:
Speaking of "cheap," I wonder why only one of your new member opponents played all the way through and the others didn't even make it past move 1?
The crew i had averaged about 3 or 4 moves per game , but one guy was pretty good (20 moves) it is rare they play complete games.
Oh, no! It looks like d00d1234 has come back from a late-night snack...
d00d1234: hey there u r why did ur king and rook switch places alla sudden?
Me: That's called "castling," and it helps me bring my king to safety.
d00d1234: lolol ul need it, b/c i just got more hashtags from more ppl
Me: Which people are you talking about?
d00d1234: TigerLilov, dbojkov, energia, and a staff named kohai
Me: Aha, so they accepted your challenges and won?
d00d1234: no they loosed the game
Me: ...?
d00d1234: no they put their moves with hashtags after them on twitter b/c they were showing their friends how bad they got beat lolololol
Me: After these moves, could you move any of your pieces at all?
d00d1234: no, b/c i won duh
Me: No, you didn't. I'm sorry to tell you, but if they delivered checkmate, they're the ones who won. All of them are highly skilled FM's and GM's.
d00d1234: does that mean cheater. i mean they have to be amirite?
Me: I will not stand for such accusations here on Chess.com. Retract your previous statement, or I'll have to ban you.
d00d1234: k k chill take it easy but theres no way i looosed all the games
Me: ...
d00d1234: whats that supposed 2 mean
Me: Tell you what: If you challenge me and win, I'll "Unlock Full Access" for a year for you under Diamond Membership - a $99 value absolutely free!
d00d1234: BRING IT ON
Me: Thank you for playing your first greeter game on Chess.com! (Plays 1. e4 and logs off)
d00d1234: (Plays 1. ...f6 and sees that I'm not online) NOT AGAIN
Uh oh...guess who's signed up for a tournament?
d00d1234: hey greeter u get on and stay on this time alright
Me: Of course. How may I help you on the website today?
d00d1234: i just signed up 4 a tournament and it is confusing
Me: In what way?
d00d1234: like y do they have such stupid names
Me: Like what? Which tournament did you enter?
d00d1234: "sicilian defense najdorf variation" whats that its a dumb name
Me: Not exactly. If you enter that tournament, you have to play a specific series of moves in the "opening", which is the first ten moves you play.
d00d1234 thats g-hey im gonna play whatevs i want
Me: You'll probably be kicked out of the tournament that way. May I at least tell you which moves to play at the beginning so that won't happen?
d00d1234: dont u mean can i
Me: ...Of course. First, as Black, you play 1. c5, then 2: d6--
d00d1234: wut i dont understand back up
Me: First, move your pawn on the c7 square to c5, then move your pawn on the d7 square to d6, then take the White pawn on the d4 square, then move your knight on the g8 square to f6, and then move your a7 pawn to a6. "1. ...c5" is called the Sicilian defense, and the trademark of the Najdorf variation is the 5. ...a6 move.
d00d1234: oh duh i knew that what do i do next?
Me: I'm not going to help you cheat.
d00d1234: u just did
Me: Not really. I'm simply telling you what the Najdorf is so that nobody gets mad at you when you don't play it in the themed tournament.
d00d1234: im gonna report u cheater cheater cheater
Me: Go ahead, but I was simply trying to help.
d00d1234: u talk like a girl
d00d1234: hey whered u go
d00d1234: i told you to stay on u big chicken cheaterpants
d00d1234: ...sigh guess id better go play tournament with the nanadorf
Perhaps the noob should have told you that in a themed tournament the opening moves are played automatically
Hahaha, laughing so much again! :D
Me: Welcome to Chess.com! Do you have any questions?
d00d1234: whats a W?
Me: That means "wow," as in, "Wow, I actually won!"
d00d1234: k whats a L?
Me: Challenge me to a chess game and find out.
d00d1234: mb l8r whats a D?
Me: That stands for "dang it." Nobody won that game.
d00d1234: wth?
Me: You know, in a stalemate, threefold repetition, etc.
d00d1234: wth?
Me: Never mind. Any questions about the site itself?
d00d1234: whats "unlock full access" mean?
Me: Oh, I forgot to tell you that some of us are covert chess agents. We get to watch top-secret videos by famous GM's.
d00d1234: whats a GM?
Me: What you will probably never be unless you work hard.
d00d1234: wait wut
Me: Do you have any more questions about the site itself?
d00d1234: how do u get rid uv all da ads
Me: "Unlock Full Access" and become a covert chess agent!
d00d1234: huh k i looked on "members" (huh huh, members) and saw this "axvesik". she is a WGM. what's a "axvesik?"
Me: That's Armenian for "I will vanquish you in every game!"
d00d1234: o she's gonna loose amirite?
Me: Why don't you challenge her? Tell her Ladya79 sent you.
d00d1234: k btw u have a dum name. "lady, a 79" ha ha ha
Me: Logging off, and thank you for choosing Chess.com!
d00d1234: wait wut
d00d1234: wut
d00d1234: hey
d00d1234: (Challenges member "axvesik") i gonna W!