Advice

If you have any advice for chess players, post it here!

Facepalm everytime your opponent makes a move.

A diet rich in phosphorus

Stare at your opponent to deconcentrate him, like Tal

When you have a losing position in otb chess, argue with him about something, that will break his concentration and make him forget his winning moves. I don't do it but its been done to me!

whisper during the whole game about how much your opponent sucks

thanks for all of your USEFUL insight and help.

What more did you expect?

Buy low, sell high.

plenty of garlic and baked beans before the game, smile and breathe heavily, and don't leave the table before the game is finished

Right after your other post telling people that they can post anything they want...  Wow, I can see why your ELO is so low - you don't have any self-restraint.  If you're going to over do something, at least be creative and entertaining or have a strategy that increases your odds of getting a hit.  A certain amount of boringness might be tolerated if its not just plainly a slide to rock bottom.

Or, barring that, buy, wait, and sell at a profit.

Overthrow the government, then get the new government to fund chess for a number of decades, heavily saturating society with all things chess. What could go wrong?