I believe once you know opening theory, understand middle game concepts like pawn structure, outpost, king safety, creating & attacking weakness, positional play, and end game principles you are a "good player."
Once you have an understanding of this you should have an OTB rating above 1450. Online ratings are too subjective. Time constraints, cheaters, and lets be honest.. no one plays online games as serious as they play OTB Rated games. So online rating could be 1300+ and still understand all of these crucial concepts.
I once talked to this guy at a chess tournament. He was rated 2251, and he told me anybody below 2200 was an amateur. Convenient.
So, based on his comment to me, I have made a helpful table.
>1000: U sux bro. Do you even chess?
1000-1200: u still sux bro, just slightly yes.
1200-1400: a chess beginner who has some faint idea of the rules/way pieces move.
1400-1600: a chess beginner with some rudimentary opening knowledge.
1600-2000: Probably has played a bit of chess. Maybe.
2000-2200: Just an amateur. Average joe. Simpleton. Likes the game, but isn't good at it.
2200-2250: Slightly better than average.
2251: God on Earth/chess genius. Has mastered the game.
2252-2400: Officially knows chess. Not exactly "good" but might be OK.
2400-2600: A fairly decent player. Probably has studied openings a bit.
2600-2800: Now we're talking. A person in these ratings is pretty decent.
2800-3000: A solid player.
3000+: A good player.
I get that you are joking, but by your estimates (considering ratings as FIDE Classical) I should be a complete patzer. In many countries including India and Russia you could probably find lots of 1400 FIDE who could give experts a good fight (and maybe win!). Ratings are relative.
Considering chess.com ratings, I find that most people rated 1700-1800 are potentially dangerous at times.
LMAO!!!!