Can I overcome anxiety?

Hello Chess.com 

I've been taking chess seriously for the last three years now, and thanks to this site, I've been able to use correspondence (e.g. online, turn-based) matches to practice what book knowledge I've accrued.  Until recently, I've not had a way in which to reliably play live matches, either over-the-board or online, and I've done my best to rectify this in order to improve.  However, as I have not had many opportunities to compete at all, much less with quality competetion you may find online or in local chess clubs, I find my nerves to be quite bad before a match.

I know it's normal to feel a bit anxious before, say, a pivotal match in an over-the-board tournament.  However, this nearly paralyzing apprehension I feel takes place even before sending out a seek for a rated 30-minute game.  Sometimes, my nerves grip me such that I opt out of playing a game and instead I watch a live match or an educational video.  I know it's only a game, but I can seem to shake the "perfectionist" epithet I've carried with me for so long.  I want so much to do well that I find myself distracted from calculating, even in winning positions.

Has anyone else had problems with anxiety?  Are there ways I can get over these bouts of nervousness and simply enjoy playing the game?

How about playing 1 or 2 unrated games before playing a rated game each day? Or making the ratio of unrated to rated games 2 to 1, I'm not sure how many you would play a day? That way, you have a chance to let the nerves settle a bit, and if you lose the rated one, it won't be a big blow to your rating. Just a thought....

I hate to spoil a Kay's post, accurate as always, but I guess you could try to get into the game without thinking much about, like jumping to cold water. Once done this, relax, take your time. Is online chess. I used to play live in a Spanish site, for me is so stressing as watching TV. Good luck!

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

Just try some Valium/Xanax, whatever you like best.

I think there is only one cure; force yourself to play again and again.

I was also nerveous when I started playing OTB, but after loosing a lot of games I now am more relaxed and also more bold in my strategies.

So, I think there is only one way; play and loose untill you are not afraid of loosing. Then you become a dangerrous opponent.

Good luck!

Thoughtful and well-meaning as replies #2 and #5 are, I'd prefer not to give up the game or acquire a prescription.

As silly as it sounds, I'm honestly not so much concerned with rating.  I see it only as a numerical approximation of playing strength, and I don't pair my rating with my ego.  Silly and arbitrary as it may sound, however, the very thing which determines my rating—  whether I win or lose a given game—  does seem to be tied to ego on my part.

I've been doing my best, as some posts have said, to expose myself to more stiff competition in the hopes that I would get over my "stage fright."  While it does appear to be working, I still find it amazing what sort of elementary mistakes creep into my games due to my being unwilling to take risks.

I took the liberty of looking at your game:

Remember that nothing is on the line.

Its ok to feel nervous or excited, so make sure you are analysing your emotions accurately.

Play lots and get over it.

Use it to your advantage. Fear will enhance your senses making you more aware. Combine awareness with skill and you could be a great player. Never forget that all humans are head cases one way or another, find the primer that for you is the key to unlocking your way out from where you are. Rocky used the Rocky song and some Philly Art Museum stairs to become mentally strong. You need to find your way out so that you can turn it on and off at will, when you need it. Find your own song, and stairs to climb. Find a written thought you can recite such as... "I have not yet begun to fight!" Anything to get your mind ready to engage. You have to find that thing that makes you willing to charge into the breech. Do it for mom, country, honor, whatever. But find it you must. If you can't find that great motivator, buy a German Shepherd to sit by your side. Let him be your strength. Good luck and keep us posted. You too can be a Chess.com Superhero!

I fail to understand the problem.Bxd4 is simply a game losing blunder made by your opponent.There's no need to even look at the game further.I cannot find any huge mistakes by you too.You played correctly and converted the advantage easily.What's the problem here?Are you upset because you didnt destroy him?

In the interests of your mental health, I suggest you face your inner defects and conquer them here and now.

And what better way to do it than with online chess where you are essentially incognito.

The main thing to understand, but more importantly to directly experience, is that you are not the feeling you describe; you are the one who perceives the feeling and can describe it. The feeling itself has no basis in reality but has become your habit.

A good method is to transform the negative feeling into something positive like having good wishes for your opponent.

Bad games are soon forgotten and feelings come and go. The thing that really matters is your mental stability.

Whisky. (Preferably after your chess game) is great for reducing anxiety.

I mean no indignation when I say this, but I'm rather shocked at the few genuine inquiries regarding my "mental health."  Unless I misspoke in my original post (and I can't see where I have), I'm speaking of my sort of "stage fright."  The nerves associated with all of this certainly do not hinder me in any other aspect of my life.  To the contrary, they are gone very soon after the conclusion of the game.

Concerning the sample game, yes, I did win, and yes, it was not due to any real technique on my part (unless you consider not dropping a piece in the manner of ...Bxd4 to be technique).  Post #11 did hit upon something: yes, I rather am somewhat upset that I did not better capitalize on my advantage.  We've all watched professional annotations of classic games and seen elementary blunders on the part of the loser: failure to develop, making trades that do not explicitly feed into your advantage(s), etc.  After so much time spent watching those videos, and after so much time spent reading classic texts, it is a bit demoralizing to see myself unable to readily apply the lessons, even in somewhat longer time controls.

But again, I suppose the quality advice is still, "practice, practice, practice."  I really do appreciate all of your input and advice  

This is much more of a general comment than anything specifically related to BH154070 (whom I don't know) but I tend to think that putting in more practice won't do anything to resolve anxiety/fear of losing issues, for the simple reason that even improving drastically won't actually negate the problem (you'll still lose a similar % of games due to playing better players). I think extreme nerves can be overcome to a degree but probably not fully eradicated, you either tend to really relish the tussle or you don't. 

I suggest you start blundering a lot. Play 2|1 or 3 minute games, that way you don't have a choice anyway. And it ends rather quickly.

Really, try it.

It would seem I just need to make time to play more, as I've played another rated game and my nerves were far more manageable (though, again, there was something of a turn in the stomach before sending out the seek).  The resulting game is as follows:

Again, the game was decided less by my ability and more by errors on my opponent's part (sincerely, no offense to him/her).  However, I played this game with much more energy and much less stress.

Practice, practice