Chess Jokes

Do you know any chess jokes?

 Let everyone here them

Here's an old one

An old man was playing his dog in a game of chess at the park and a few people walking by noticed this.

"What a clever dog!" one of them remaked

"Not really," replied the old man "I am winning 3 games to one!" 

Two fellows are sitting out the front of a hotel, playing a series of blitz matches for $5 a game plus $50 to the first to win 6 games. After 10 games, the match is tied at 5-5 and in the last match it is down to the final minutes, and one player has a mate in four to be played. A funeral procession then comes down the street and the fellow in the winning position stands up, takes off his hat, and stands respectfully head bowed while it passes.

After it passes, he sits back down, sees that his time has run out and proceeds to hand over the $50 to his opponent. This fellow is quite taken aback and protests that he cannot take the money seeing as he only won because of the most respectful gesture of his opponent.

The man says, "Think nothing of it. It was the least I could do. We were married for 15 years!"

 Which one don't you get?

The dog one is funny because the remark was aimed at the fact that the dog is clever because he is playing chess at all not that he could win.  

There's a few here - http://www.chessebook.com/anekdoty.php (although in many cases the bad translations to english are funnier than the joke!)

I liked:-

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 

 I like your punchline better, but surely the old man should say it? ;)

What's the difference between a construction worker and a chess player?

answer in next post 

 I didn't see what is funny? Something in english I don't understand?

English speakers.

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Christmas_Song

from wiki: "The song is typically subtitled with its opening line ("Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire");"

Edit: I see others beat me to it already. 

 I heard a variation of it, in Croatian highlands (Lika) in place of the park. It is a shepard in place of the old man, and a bear in place of the dog.