Chess Jokes

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DavidFarsen

"Two chess friends meet in a bar. One says - you won't believe me, Kasparov was sitting next to me in the plane-. The friend replied - it is amazing, did you get to play him?-. -Well, he offered to play a game but I told him he was way waaayyy to strong for me. Then he asked, what if he played with his left hand. I sayed ok-. -How did it go?-. -He destroyed me-. -Good for you idiot, everybody knows Kasparov's a lefty!!!-.

Cami3

What does a pawn do when reaching the last frontier? Metamorphosis! 

guptaudit

hahahahahahaha

gingerninja2003

chess is very realistic because the king has to go one step at a time while the queen can do whatever she wants.

thivagartn

What does the black queen say to the white queen when they meet? I won't kill you if you don't kill me.

TimothySouthee
What did the white queen on g7 say to the black queen on c4?

C you later!
x3Cloudie

"I think the bishop at my church is a fake. Not once did he move diagonally." xD

Cami3

Very funny happy.png 

Brobotics_brofessor



White: " It's mate. Good game!" *Reaches out to shake hand*

Black: *Moves Ke9* (Evil laugh)

aflfooty

I had dinner once with Garry Kasporov in a restaurant with checked tablecloths.. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.surprise.pngtear.pngsurprise.png

AussieMatey

What do you call a Rook that isn't ok?

Ro

 

(Another ORIGINAL by meSmile)

Supatag

I was once playing someone who was trash-talking me as we played. He went Bg4, pinning my knight against my queen. I said, "I can take your pins put don't give me any needle".

Henrycross

When u leave your maid at home & she does hanky panky then u need to CheckMaid!!

AussieMatey

What is Posh Spice favourite chess piece?

Bishop - it's an anagram of 1 Posh B

AussieMatey

What did the c pawn say after dxe set up a pin?

I knew I could depinned on you.

 

Mine are all ORIGINAL - I'm thinking of pay per view soon! Smile

Supatag

I'm just making this comment en passant.

johnrschutt

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.  "Because,"  he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Gil-Gandel
radish11 wrote:

A Russian prisoner manages to smuggle a radio into his Goulag camp in Siberia. Every day him and his fellow prisoners huddle around the radio listening to the broadcast of the Fischer-Spassky World Chess Championship. The days go by and finally the day comes for the final game of the match to be played with the score still tied. Just as the game starts though a guard busts into the barracks and confiscates the radio. A few days go by and the prisoners become desperate to find out who won. Finally a new prisoner gets thrown in the barracks with them,  so the man shuffles over to the new guy and begs him,

"Hey please you gotta tell us who won the World Chess Championship?"

The new inmate replies, "I lost."

 

lol, Fischer v Spassky tied going into the last game. Good one! grin.png

AussieMatey

How would you describe 2 Kings coming to blows after the game?

ducKing.

iggyalfasi
Q: Why did the pawn's dad disown him?
A: His dad found out the pawn wanted to be a Queen.

Original by me.