Chess Jokes anyone?
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thnx for the spanish lesson kiddo,
The Spanish lesson was great.
There's a 16 year-old girl that wants to start dating. She would like to date some guy on the football team, but her father doesn't approve. In fact, her father seems to not approve of anyone that she starts to date. So the girl comes to her father and asks, " Who am I allowed to date?" The father reples, " Someone from the chess club." The puzzled daughter asks, "Why?" The father replies, "Because they take hours to make a move."
-My teacher told me it, because she knows that I am a chess fanatic. Enjoy.
Does anyone know any chess riddles?
Nov 12, 2007
0
#26
Any chess riddles? Yeah. Head over to the puzzles forum, they've got lots! 
You opponent points to one of you pawns, "Looks like I can't stop him."
"You mean 'she'. It's a girl."
"How do you know?"
"Because it's about to become queen."
Thanks to Dr. Ice and to Basic LvrCh8r
Two knights came by in a bar. While they waited for the drinks to be served, one knight bragged: I broke into enemy’s territory solo and came home with two rooks hanging behind my back; I have two weeks free in my hands as a reward of it.
The other knight eagerly responded: two weeks off is nothing compared to mine. How come? The first knight asked back.
Because I have been awarded with early retirement just because of a tiny mistake; I was failed to protect the king and captured by the enemy.
Jokes? Where do you find them?
Darren96 wrote: Jokes? Where do you find them?
You make them up.
Kasporov and Kaspov play each other in chess, half way through the game they have dinner, They had prawns, when they came back to the chess board the kings were eating the "prawns"
Miles Deus; That is a copy of an old baseball joke but still a good conversion.
alright you have probably heard this one but I didnt see it posted so here it goes:
A couple walking through the park stops to watch a guy and his dog playing chess, they make the remark to the guy "wow! what a smart dog! he can play chess?
and the guy looks up and replies rather smugly "well, if he is so smart why am I up 3 games to 1".
Lame but a chess joke, sorry all I had.
Nov 19, 2007
0
#33
Any Chess puns? I have a pun collection but none that are chess related.
There have to be puns scattered all through chess that we have not uncovered yet. Post them here when you find them.
yeah, those are real punny
Bloke walks into a pub with a dog. fella at the bar says, 'that's a funny looking dog'. Bloke replies, 'yes, but he could beat you at chess!'
This causes much hilarity amongst the regulars. 'Dogs cant play chess!' 'Anyone can beat a dog at chess!' '#### off!' etc were some comments heard.
So a bet is made for five pounds that the dog can beat the fella at the bar playing chess. It has to be only five pounds, since that is all the bloke with the dog has on him.
The dog opens paw to d4 (sorry). After a few moves, the dog is checkmated. Since his owner has no more money, they leave the pub with their tails between their legs (sorry).
Around the corner, the dog's owner grabs the dog's face and shouts at him - 'Why did you let him beat you so easily! Why not use the Collie system! (sorry).
The dog looks at him with some disdain and replies . 'Shut up stupid - we'll make a fortune in there tomorrow night!!'
Ta da !!
BasicLvrCH8r wrote:demuxer wrote:
from the refered page I quote this
2 friends see themselves by the street and one of them says:
- My wife says that if tomorrow I go to the chess match, it will take my children and it will leave me.
The other friend asks to him:
- And what you will do?
And the other answers to him:
- E4, how always!
This doesn't make sense. This is because the guy who posted it wrote it in Spanish and used an online translator to convert it to english.
In spanish it would say: (if this is wrong, forgive me: I'm taking spanish 1)
Dos amigos se ven por la calle y uno de ellos dice:
Mi esposa dice que si mañana voy al partido de ajedrez, tomará mis hijos y me salirá.
El otro amigo le pregunta:
¿Y qué hacerás?
Y el otro le contesta:
¡E4, como siempre!
I highlighted two common mistakes in spanish, however your spanish is very good!
In the first case, when a person leaves another person we cannot use the verb "salir" we use "dejar" instead.
In the second case, the verb "hacer" is irregular so it changes all the time. You should have written "harás".
Thank you. Also, I forgot to put an "a" before "mis hijos"
"Thankyou Doctor for seeing me at such short notice."
"Not at all - now tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"Well when I got up I felt like a spoon because my wife likes the spoons position..."
"In that case, please sit down and do not stir whilst I conduct initial tests."
BERKELEY, CA - The Berkeley Board of Education voted last night to ban the game of Chess from all of its elementary, junior high and high schools. The board claims that Chess has a negative influence on students because of the backwards and outdated thinking that was responsible for creating the game.
One board member, Claudia Starsniffer, compiled a list of seven grievances against Chess. Starsniffer's list claims,
- Chess is irrelevant to our society because it was created by dead white guys.
- Chess encourages racism by having a 'war' between a white army and a black army.
- Chess reinforces current racist tendencies in our society by always having the white army move first.
- Chess glorifies war.
- Chess oppressively reinforces heterosexual stereotypes. It does this by forcing each army to have a king and a queen and by not allowing the game to be played with either two kings or two queens.
- Chess is guilty of breaking the separation of church and state by allowing a bishop to be a belligerent in war.
- Chess destroys self-esteem. When children play the game, one always loses. Losing causes a child to feel dumb and inadequate.
Said Starsniffer, "There is no place in our society for a monstrous game like Chess. Chess is dangerous. Chess is destructive. Chess teaches racial and sexual oppression. Chess has got to go!
Not really a joke, but something to laugh at...
I saw this supposedly true story about Jacques Mieses, who was technically Britains first GM after moving to England.
Mieses was walking down the street one day when he was accidentaly bumped into by a passer by. They both flinched and looked at each other. Recognising Mieses (? I wouldn't have), the other fella smiles and says 'J'adoube'. To which Mieses replied sternly 'It wasn't even your move'.
I just find this whole scenario bizarre and therefore quite amusing.