Common <1300 Profound Insights

Dear Chess.com Forums

I am a >1300 player and I have a profound insight into the game of chess that I absolutely must share with the world! I copyrighted it though because it's MINE.

In advance, I would like to completely disagree with all higher rated players who don't praise my finding. I would also like to insult their mothers.

My insight is one of the following!

• The rules annoy me and need to be changed

• I have invented the best opening EVER

• I have discovered that chess is too easy/difficult and the rules need to be changed to fix this
  

• I have discovered a universal one-stop method of winning chess

• Chess is too different frin other games like World of War Craft, and thus the rules need to be changed

• I have a very impressive game to show everybody that should shed some light on the beautiful complexities of Chess. Ignore the queen my oponent dropped on move 6.

• The players on chess.com don't behave properly and the rules of chess etiquette should be changed

• The well known and respected [insert name here] opening played by hundreds of GMs for decades and decades is flawed! It's so bad! I beat it with this strategy! Ignore the mate my opponent missed on move 7
  

• CARLSEN IS TEH BEST and on a side note, I've been thinking this for a while but... The rules need to be changed.

What are your thoughts? Remember, unless you praise my findings as holy baby jesus, you are dead to me. DEAD TO ME.

"I have discovered a universal one-stop method of winning chess"

Could you teach me?  Nobody else, just me.  Oh, and could you do it for free, all the cool chess coaches do it for free.

Not to forget-'How I won with the Bongcloud'

Lol yes that one is priceless!

I'd say more like sub 800 players.

1200's are far, far better than your run of the mill patzer.

But it's mainly been 1200s posting stuff like this on the forums lately.

They are making people like me look bad eh!  Oh well.

Hey, so long as you aren't part of the problem, who cares how they make you look.

Actually, IMO they make you look better because there's so few respectable 1300s posting on the forums we should treasure players like you.

1200 USCF or FIDE are might be better than the run of the mill patzers.

But on chess.com, I'm pretty sure that quite a few 1200s are complete patzers.

I'm not trying to be insulting, just a little over a year ago I was 694 USCF. And yes, I was a run of the mill patzer. I probably still am.

"You may be higher rated than me but I have more theoretical knowledge of opening, middle and endgame themes"

Yereslov style.

No, more like

"You may be higher rated then me but my Rybka is higher rated than you, and it is always right".

I just thought of one other that might be added to your list..."I was playing this other 1200 and he was clearly using Houdini to cheat, it's the only way he could have beat me!"

I know, I'm not much higher than 1200, but a little self-deprication was in order.

Another one-'Nice prgram you have coward'!

Do not forget :

"There are people that cheat on time and chess.com is paid by the CIA and the freemasons to hide the truth. Ignore the fact I had to try three times to post this because of my poor internet connection."

"The [any strong tournament] has been arranged, it is obvious"

"The bishop is stronger / weaker than the knight"

"Tactics should be banned"

Blitz chess is a sham because it doesn't give you enough time to resign when your supposed to. 

lol

Oh yes of course, computers. I forgot about this. Nice one!

Irontiger- "Tactics should be banned"

This made me lol

"Tactics should be banned"

That's an interesting one. How would you do it? Maybe you're only allowed to capture a piece if it may be recaptured.

Or maybe you have to announce that you will capture the piece two moves ahead of time, and then again on the next move, and after two announcements, you're allowed to capture the piece. This would give the opponent time to prepare.

These sorts of changes would certainly make chess more egalitarian.

At some point today I'll go through and add all the good ones to the OP, giving credit to the posters who came up with them.

How bout this one I posted a while back?

http://www.chess.com/forum/view/fun-with-chess/review-my-game-plzzzzzz