Dealing with loss

I hate losing! Every fiber of my being plays to win. Other games like bridge, poker, backgammon, etc all carry a considerable amount of luck. But with chess there is just you, your opponent, 32 pieces and 64 squares. I suspect that is partly why I am so in love with chess. When you win, you win. 

Yet sometimes I lose. Sometimes I blunder, Sometimes I miss a decisive tactic. Sometimes I fail to execute a clear strategic plan and just flounder around. Sometimes I mouse slip. Sometimes I run out of time. And sometimes my opponent simply plays a terrific game and outplays me. When I lose at chess, unlike those previously mentioned games, I cannot blame lady luck. Even if I win 67% of my games, I must deal with losing 33% of the time. So how am I to deal with loss?

Maybe one of the joys of life is the natural process of experimenting with different activities and gravitating to the ones at which we are naturally good. I’m better at chess than I am at golf. I’m better at chess than I am at mathematics. But I’m better at music than I am at chess. So eventually I do the things at which I am better. Yet I need not cruelly beat myself up for being less proficient at the aforementioned activities. Still, how do I deal with my limitations at chess? I am better than some players, and worse, way worse, than others.

I wonder if some people avoid chess because of difficulties in dealing with loss. Critical self talk like “I’m stupid”, “I suck at this game”, “I can’t think fast”, or “ my memory is awful” are easy to succumb to, but so destructive. If such self talk leads us to try harder or seek improvement, then perhaps it is productive. But if all it does is make us feel weak and insecure then it serves no healthy function in our lives.

I’ve seen some players get angry after a loss. I’ve seen people knock pieces over in disgust, say mean things, accuse others of cheating , give up chess completely, storm off in a huff, and even slap their opponent in the face. Clearly all of these types of reactions to loss also serve no healthy function in life.

So the question remains, what is the best way to deal with loss? How do you deal with loss? I offer up this post as an invitation to launch into a discussion. Maybe examining how to deal well with loss in chess will further our success in dealing with loss in other areas of life. Can I laugh at my blunders, moan at my strategical oversights, and applaud my opponent’s great play like Spassky did to Fischer in game six of the 1972 championship? It’s easy to say “just get over it”, “just learn from our losses”, or “it’s all part of the game”. But let’s take a deeper dive into dealing with loss. Maybe it will make us better in the long run.

I get that you may think you're a bad player for only winning 60-70 percent of your games. But most people are at the same level with their win-loss ratio. In my opinion, to play chess you need to forget about the last game & move onto the next. If you really hate losing, that'll push you enough to get better and win more. Everyone loses in chess, & if you can't handle losing games you might want to stop playing for a while. Personally, I just try to laugh at my obvious blunder or just move on. There is no reason to beat yourself up for stupid mistakes, since every player makes them. Players from 100 elo rating up to grandmasters make blunders & lose games.

I just remind myself that I'm human. It works for me...