Explaining the game

Master: The board is always placed so that you have a black square in the corner on the left hand side.

Pupil: Why's that?

M: It just is.

P: So it wouldn't really matter if the black square was on the other side?

M: I suppose not. Now, these are pawns.

P: Right. Prawns.

M: No. Pawns. As in pawnbroker.

P: I always thought it was prawnbroker.

M: No. The word is pawnbroker.

P: So chess was invented by a pawnbroker?

M: No. Pawnbrokers deal in different sorts of pawns.

P: They don't take chess sets then?

M: Yes, but that's different.

P: So you can pawn a pawn then?

M: I suppose so. The pawn's move is very simple. It moves forward one square at a time. It cannot move diagonally except when it captures another piece and it can only take diagonally. And it also has a special move on its first move when it can move two squares, but of course it doesn't have to.

P: I think I've go that. It only moves one square at a time. It only moves forwards. It moves diagonally to take. On its first move it can move one or two steps forward and one or two diagonally if it is capturing.

M: No. If it captures on its first move it can only move one square.

P: So the two square thing is only if it is not capturing.

M: Correct. There is also the en passant rule, but I'll explain that later.

P: I'm sure it's very simple.

M: The knight...

P: It looks like a horse. And it's just a horse's head

M: I know. Think of knights on horseback.

P: Got it.

M: It goes two and then one, like this, or if you prefer, one and then two, like this.

P: A bit like a horse's head.

M: I suppose it is. I must remember that. The knight is the only piece that can jump over another.

P: Like in draughts?

M: Sort of, but not quite. It can jump over any piece, including one on its own side.

P: Why would you want to take one of your own pieces?

M: It doesn't take the piece it jumps over, only a piece on a square it lands on.

P: Can it go backwards?

M: All the pieces can go backwards, except the pawns. The bishop goes diagonally only as many squares as it likes.

P: Now that is simple.

M: The rook...

P: It looks like a castle.

M: It's called a rook. You shouldn't call it a castle.

P: I can't see any resemblance to a bird.

M: It's Arabic. Or it could be Persian. I can't remember. Anyway it means chariot.

P: So we have an English word for a bird to describe a chariot that looks like a castle.

M: The etymology of chess is very complicated. It moves up and down and across as many squares as it likes, but not diagonally.

P: Got it.

M: There's a special move with the rook I'll explain late. It's called castling.

P: So you mustn't call a rook a castle but the special move is called castling and not rooking.

M: Er, yes. The queen combines the moves of the rook and bishop.

P: Does it have a special move called queening that you will explain later?

M: Only pawns queen.

P: So pawns queen and queens don't?

M: Yes. I'll explain queening later. Now the king is the most important piece.

P: So it obviously combines the moves of rook, bishop and knight.

M: Actually, no. It can only move one square at a time.

P: Like the pawn?

M: No. It can move backwards and sideways.

P: And it can move two spaces on it first move?

M: Yes and no. It can if it castles.

P: So the king can castle just like a rook, which you will explain later?

M: Yes and no. It's the same move.

P: The same move?

M: Yes, you move the king and castle, I mean rook, at the same time.

P: I see, so the king can't move without the rook moving?

M: It's just a one off special move that you can make in certain situations.

P: Which you'll explain later? I don't understand how the queen gets to zip about all over the board but the king just plods from square to square. You'd expect it to be the other way round. I mean it is war game, isn't it? There aren't that many Boadiceas in history.

M: It's because of a misunderstanding. The queen isn't so much a queen, as a general or vizier. At least she, or he, was when the game was invented. When it went west people though that because the queen, although it wasn't called a queen, was next to the king it must be a queen. I n fact it was called “ferz”, which is a bit like French “vierge”, which means virgin, and so everyone, or at least those who knew French, thought it must be female.

P: If it come from the east, how come we've got bishops?

M: I think they were messengers.

P: Another misunderstanding then. Perhaps they thought they were bishops because they stand on either side of the king and queen, just like bishops used to.

M: Very likely.

P: What's the idea of the game then?

M: It's to mate the king.

P: I thought it was a war game, not a love game.

M: Not that sort of mate. It's Arabic, or it could be Persian. I can't remember. Anyway “checkmate” means the king is dead.

P: So the idea is to kill the king?

M: More or less.

P: So as soon as you take the king the game is over?

M: You don't ever take the king, you just mate it. If you are in a position to take the king you have to say “check” and then your opponent has to move it or take the piece that's threatening it or put something in the way – except of course you can't do that if you're in check with a knight.

P: Right. So if you make a good move and are about to win by taking the king you have to let your opponent know. That's very sporting. How do you ever get to win if every time you're about to win you have to warn your opponent?

M: Checkmate is more like a trap. You have to arrange it so that the king is in check but cannot get out of check. When you do that the game is over.

P: So the king never gets taken then?

M: Correct.

P: Just to make I've got it right. If you can take the king next move but haven't trapped it, you're not allowed to take it but must warn your opponent, but if you are about to trap it and win the game, you don't.

M: Yes.

P: Seems a bit sneaky. Just to summarise. Pawns move up the board only and one step at a time expect when they first move when they can move two steps if they want to except when capturing when they can only move one and then they have to move diagonally. They can also queen, which you will explain later. Knights sort of hop about a bit and can jump. Bishops, really messengers, move diagonally anywhere they like. Rooks, named after a bird and looking like castles are in fact chariots and they move up and down and from side to side, but not diagonally. Even though you mustn't call them castles they have a special move called castling, which you will explain later. The queen, really a general in drag, moves like a bishop and a castle, but not both at the same time. Unlike a pawn, a queen cannot queen. The king is less powerful than his camp general and also castles. When attacked he must be warned unless the blow is going to be fatal.

M: More or less, yes.

My kind of humour.

Wow I think I've had that conversation before. funny post ^^