French Defense

Just play the exchange and castle long and attack. Works on both sides, even better with white as you're a tempo up. You can literally steamroll your opponent in 20 moves.

https://www.chess.com/game/live/141063226912

what is chess? just chomp on hanging pieces

Whatever you do, avoid the advance and nc3 variations like plague, if you don't want to indulge in theory and double edged positions. My recommendation is something solid like the tarrasch or quite simply the exchange.

Thank you all for the advice. However, my coach and I decided it would be best if I played the Schlechter variant.

Here is an example of a game where you can steam roll your opponent in the exchange in less than 20 moves.