How to stop caring about what spectators think during a game?

Some time ago, I was playing in this tournament and during one of the games, I sacrificed an exchange to reach a winning endgame with two connected passed pawns. I was feeling pretty good about the victory until some of my opponent's friends went up to him and I overheard them say one line in particular: "You were so close —you had a rook against a knight! He just had too many pawns".

And for some reason, hearing that made me really annoyed. Having deliberately sacrificed the exchange to reach a position that I knew was winning, it made me irrationally irritated to hear someone imply that my opponent could've theoretically been "winning" since he was up the exchange. 

Now, of course I know that they're wrong and that material doesn't mean anything and that only the actual position matters. And I know that they were probably just trying to make my opponent feel better after the game so it doesn't really make sense to take it personally. And I also know that there's no reason why I should care about anyone's opinion on the game anyway.

Still, though, I find myself being conscious of spectators during chess games, especially when they start watching later on in the game and so don't have any context of what lead to the current position. Even when my position is completely fine or even better, there's always that nagging thought that someone might be watching and thinking that I'm worse just because I could technically be down material. I wouldn't mind that if my position really was losing, because then they'd be justified in thinking so. But there's just something about the thought that someone could be standing there, judging my position as being worse even though it's not that I can't stand.

Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me? 

The desire to have other people give you respect can be especially vexing because the truth is you have 0% control over how other people act.

But after acknowledging you have no power over them (in this case it means you accept that no matter how well you play, even if you're godly perfect, they can criticize you) you can go further. You can also acknowledge you have no responsibility to control their actions either. Once you give up your ideas of both power and responsibility, you can ignore others freely in any situation.

It's important to understand this first from your own perspective, but after you manage that, you can also extend this idea to other people. Others have no power over you. Even if they criticize you forever they can't force you to react a certain way. They also have no responsibility to make you feel or act a certain way.

You have all the power, but you also have all the responsibility. Of course no man is an island, so you can take this idea too far... but if people who behave normally upset you (and this is the situation you're describing), then it's good to remind yourself how insignificant they are.

You’re obviously better than me, but the way I rationalize hearing others say “oh, that’s obvious” or “you suck” is by acknowledging we all see different things in the same game, and some see more than others, but we’re all learning. 

in this instance, I would chuckle because he didn’t see my brilliance, rather than take offense he criticized a mistake

Best to complain to the TD about that. The TD can either get compliance about not talking, or escort the individual out of the playing area.

In a more informal club setting, it's best to politly ask the offender not to talk.

This was never an issue years ago in any OTB tournament I played in.

Other than occasionally stopping local chess clubs while traveling, I haven't played in an OTB tournament in many years.  I live in a rural area 90 min. outside a major city. It's closest chess club is members only. I stopped by a couple times when I lived in the city. They allow guests to play for free. The second time I went, that said I had join the club to play. It was too far, traffic wise, that I would go enough to get my membership's worth. Good deal if you can visit at least twice a week though. They have masters and grandmaster come in and give lectures once a week. At that time anyway. Been years since I visited.

I dont care, unless its somebody I know.

Like maybe my coach or whatever.

Then I might get nervous.

I remember one game I was on move 20, still hadn't castled. I knew my much higher rated buddy was going see the game later, and yell at me for waiting so long.

So I did. And my opponent equalized.

And I had the win the game all over again.

Really sucks having to win the same game, twice.

But in response to the OP, I am very comfortable letting my opponents be to ones who "shoulda won."

I will settle being the guy who did win.

😊

I get angry,  annoyed and everything negative energy when i overheard people talking about me. 

Yeah, the drama is fun even if they are a lot lower rated than me. They've both been playing a long time, they're tired, they're under 10 minutes, and they're both trying hard to win. It's fun to watch what the outcome will be.