I can't play chess due to anxiety

You have to relax.

My personal opinion is that some people feel anxious about chess and even avoid playing because they feel that it is a measure of their intelligence. So they feel losing or making mistakes is somehow proof that they are less intelligent than others. Chess is simply a skill and is learned. Everyone has a different aptitude for learning that skill.

:v

Hi OP,

I have some experience with this, although it has never prevented me from playing tournaments, it has made me feel pretty darned lousy. 

I think the big things are...

1) Think of yourself as only one player of however many players there are in the tournament. Because that's objectively what you are. 

2) Get lost in the game. This takes practice, and earlier comments regarding meditation are good. I particularly recommend a technique called grounding. 

3) While self-criticism helps you get better at chess, self-abuse has the opposite effect, and decreases your general quality of life. Recognise the patterns you use to attack yourself when they crop up, and replace them with a more balanced perspective. 

(eg. "You bloomin' idiot, HOW could you blunder that exchange!? You're unbelievable..." or whatever goes on turns into "Oooh. I overlooked that. Gotta be more careful next time."  [and hold yourself to being more careful next time.]) 

4) If you're really tearing your hair out about it (which every passionate chess player has done at least once, guaranteed) it's acceptable to take a break from chess for a while. Come back to it with fresh eyes and a fresh spirit. 

Good luck!

~ Willy

 

you are right. I do feel anxious about performance in general. I am afraid to fail my expectations. It is not only chess. I only feel calm when I have to perform tasks that are easy for me. Other than that, I feel stressed and want to get out of the situation. Of course I can't do that, so I do perform many things, but I don't enjoy it much. 

Chess is something I cannot escape from, so I want to be able to enjoy it when playing myself at least a little bit. 

 

I am very much the type of self-abuse. I have been working on that, but it is hard, especially when it comes to something as relentless as chess. 

Yes, we need to look at our mistakes and learn from them. There is always next game. However, i get this idea: "yes, next game I will be better, but why is it never that I am good playing THIS game?"

Another problem is that I tend to forget about successes in the past. Take my usual playing partner, for example. He is rated 1926 on daily chess, his tactics ratings is above 2000. I have won against him OTB and on this site. Usually, he wins though, but I often get him into tight spots. I don't look at the times I have beaten him. I only look at the games I have lost. It is quite annoying. 

 

In your case, I retract my early suggestion. Learn and practice meditation.

for some reason, I am ok with playing against that guy. He is a friend, and I don't expect to win anyway. It especially gives me the creeps if my opponent expects to lose. 

 

I totally get it Bartleby , I have the same problem.  I've played tons of games against machines but very few against people.  My solution was to take refuge in maximum anonymity , disable "Chat" feature , etc and consider human players as just different kinds of algorithm on the other side.  This helps but I still get WAY too much adrenaline playing humans , it's ridiculous but actually more fun somehow too - give it a try or not ...   life is short , enjoy it any way you can 

p.s. does your nickname come from "Bartleby, the Scrivener" by Herman Melville ? 

natarka, you are describing my behaviour exactly. I can't handle all this adrenaline. I know other people find that fun. I have discussed this with a friend whose OTB rating is about 1850. He really loves the thrill. i sometimes get a fun thrill when I ride with my bicycle next to a truck. But then at most other times I am just scared and wish the truck could pass. 

you have to always remember that just like you're nervous playing your opponent, he or she is probably nervous playing you too. that's the whole point of the game, to get inside the mind of the person on the other side of the table and trick them into making mistakes. but you should never psyche yourself out before the battle even begins, or else you won't be able to play to your potential and give them the best challenge you possibly can.

I remember my first game during my only tournament. My opponent seemed to be so nervous, it gave me a huge confidence boost. We got into a position that seemed drawish to me so I offered one and he accepted. We analysed the game together, and my opinion of the player changed - he seemed very confident during the analysis. I think he could have won. I was likely to have made  a mistake very soon. 

OP... Try this. I hope it helps. https://www.gaiam.com/blogs/discover/meditation-101-techniques-benefits-and-a-beginner-s-how-to

What time formats are you playing under? It's easier to relax if time is not a factor in your decision making. I also suggest getting lots of sleep and drinking cold water in a tournament match.

I prefer to play without the clock. If I use clocks, I prefer longer games. I suck at blitz. 

The anxiety you are suffering from is due to your fear for fear of defeat.The best way to deal with this is Enjoy Playing Chess.

I'm not sure people suffering from anxiety necessarily use it as an excuse more like an explanation of how it is for them

You don't like to lose, this is your problem. Actually this is a good thing, Kasparov and Carlsen also do not like to lose. This means that you have the potential to get strong in chess -people who doesn't like to lose learn more than other people, or they avoid playing.
You don't need mediation or tricks. The only thing you need is to regard every game as a step forward in chess improvement.

Let me explain this. If you play against a beginner and win without using your brain, this experience has almost no positive effect in your development as a chess player. However if you play (and often lose) against a stronger player and analyse this game carefully, this will push you forward. Always!

Focus on this in your next game. Playing against people who will probably win against you is great experience for improvement, and losing or winning will not play any role. Without this attitude you will try to forget quickly your losses and the experience was more negative than positive. And you will next time avoid playing humans to avoid the bad feelings.

Try to put in practice what I said. I think you will begin to enjoy more the game.