I think you need to take a step back and be honest with yourself as to why you want to play chess. If you only want to play in order to defeat another person, you are missing the point of the game. Chess is a beautiful endeavor, full of the possibility of immense satisfaction - if you have the proper perspective on it. Instead of imagining yourself as a superior person if you win and an inferior person if you lose, look upon it as a lifelong journey of learning. This way, when you win, your satisfaction comes not from destroying your opponent but rather from the knowledge that you have learned and improved. Likewise, when you lose, simply acknowledge that you have more to learn. This is easy to do because there is always more to learn with chess. Even Magnus Carlsen loses games, so don't delude yourself into thinking that if you lose you are inferior. So if you can find a way to take your ego out of it you will have unlocked the greatest secret of chess - to experience joy at the beauty of the game. Look at it this way: when you play against the computer you will always lose. But you don't mind that. So it's not the losing that bothers you, it's the fact that a loss becomes part of your record of games and affects your rating negatively. Plus you know there is another person out there whom you imagine is gloating over the mistakes you made. Maybe this is what you do when you win? If it is, it shouldn't be. You should be happy to win but remember that you learn the most from games that you do not win. Also, most people think that their rating is very important. Think for a moment about whether that is true or not. Does your rating against human opponents have any relevance to your life? Of course not. Do you think the top players care about what their rating is? I doubt it. Do they care if they lose? Absolutely, but they are professionals and losing costs them lots of money. What does losing cost you? It doesn't cost you anything, but you are ruining the game for yourself with your attitude about wins and losses. Try looking at the game as art instead of a competition and you'll be better off - because you'll be playing! And it is art, so you won't be deluding yourself. I hope you find a path to the joyful participation in the greatest game that ever was or ever will be...
I can't play chess due to anxiety
I don't think I want to win at all costs. I certainly don't want to humiliate anyone. I just don't want to lose.
It is not that I think that someone who wins against me is smarter than me. I know that is not the case. I know FM's and GM's and other high rated players personally and I don't think they are necessarily the smartest people i know.
What I feel is that I have put effort into learning chess and losing just shows me time and time again that my efforts have been in vain. Either because i did not really get the lesson and cannot put it into practice or because my mind is so jumbled up and suffering from the noise of anxiety that I cannot think as clearly as a sane person can. I wish I could just be normal and be good at something.
Wednesday a colleague asked me for a game and I had no way to refuse. Initially, I didn't like the prospect of playing at all. Worst of all was his idea that I would be stronger than him.
To ease myself into the unavoidable situation, I explained that I am not a strong player at all and then I did my Jan Gusaffson impersonation in order to mask my nervousness with humour, which also plays down the gravity of the situation.
At some point I realised that he is not that sure of himself either, which made me feel a bit more at ease. I won the game, but there was a flaw. I allowed him to fork me but he only saw this when it was too late. I was able to correct my position. Had he seen the fork, I'd have been in trouble. Still, this game gave me a bit of confidence that I might be able to handle playing chess one day.
thank you very much for all your thoughts and suggestions. I do intent to try and implement them.
It is called ego. Let it go my friend.
count your breaths while playing, 1 & 2, 1 & 2. focus on this and your own moves. good luck.
I think you need to take a step back and be honest with yourself as to why you want to play chess. If you only want to play in order to defeat another person, you are missing the point of the game. Chess is a beautiful endeavor, full of the possibility of immense satisfaction - if you have the proper perspective on it. Instead of imagining yourself as a superior person if you win and an inferior person if you lose, look upon it as a lifelong journey of learning. This way, when you win, your satisfaction comes not from destroying your opponent but rather from the knowledge that you have learned and improved. Likewise, when you lose, simply acknowledge that you have more to learn. This is easy to do because there is always more to learn with chess. Even Magnus Carlsen loses games, so don't delude yourself into thinking that if you lose you are inferior. So if you can find a way to take your ego out of it you will have unlocked the greatest secret of chess - to experience joy at the beauty of the game. Look at it this way: when you play against the computer you will always lose. But you don't mind that. So it's not the losing that bothers you, it's the fact that a loss becomes part of your record of games and affects your rating negatively. Plus you know there is another person out there whom you imagine is gloating over the mistakes you made. Maybe this is what you do when you win? If it is, it shouldn't be. You should be happy to win but remember that you learn the most from games that you do not win. Also, most people think that their rating is very important. Think for a moment about whether that is true or not. Does your rating against human opponents have any relevance to your life? Of course not. Do you think the top players care about what their rating is? I doubt it. Do they care if they lose? Absolutely, but they are professionals and losing costs them lots of money. What does losing cost you? It doesn't cost you anything, but you are ruining the game for yourself with your attitude about wins and losses. Try looking at the game as art instead of a competition and you'll be better off - because you'll be playing! And it is art, so you won't be deluding yourself. I hope you find a path to the joyful participation in the greatest game that ever was or ever will be...
Nicely explained!
No matter how good you are at chess, you will always lose as much as you win, if you play against equally high rated opponents.
Not sure why I said this stupid thing, sorry.
I'm more concerned about which moves are correct and how to think than the end result of the game.
Don't worry about the rating. The point of rating is not to compete in order to get as high rating as possible. The point is just to get matched with an interesting (equally good) player.
Chess makes you paranoid. It's kinda cool to look at a position and rest assure that you're absolutely safe here - or at least it looks like that - looks like nothing can go wrong. But you know that you're not safe. You get the feeling of unease.
Can't stop thinking 'bout it
It fills me with unease
Out there by the roadside something's buried
Under sycamore leaves
I can t play chess with people due to anxiety. I went to a tournament once and it felt like a 2 day job interview. when people want to play with me I always find excuses. Playing against a computer is ok for me.
does anyone else have this problem? Is there anything I can do about it?
Lot of good advice on this thread. Have you tried any of them?