I really need to enjoy playing chess...

   ...and not be so serious about winning all the time.

   Chess should be for enjoyment right? I think we can all agree on that. But people like me, who are overly competitive and get angry when I lose a game, whether it be chess, monopoly or even gin rummy, it can be a nightmare. I hate losing, and it will ruin my day if I let it. As I keep mentioning, I play Fritz 12 everyday(at least 5 games)and if I lose by making this atomic bomb sized blunder, I get so wound up and so tense, if someone was to drop a napkin, I would be livid. I hate being like this. I really want to enjoy playing and not always be out for blood and guts everytime I get in front of a chess board, or any game for that matter. I really don't know what the point of this post is, I just need to vent my frustration. I can't seem to stop being like this and I already take enough meds for my issues so valium is out of the question LOL.

   Am I the only one like this? Don't be shy. Step forward to voice your opinions and tell me just how cuckoo I really am.

Ugh....... waffles.

Welllllllll, start by being competative but,try not to blame yourself. Blame the something, like the napkin. No, not that person, or that one, or them.

i think he wants cocoa puffs. 

I'm the same as you to some extent.  Losing really bothers me, even though I know that due to the rating system, I'm pretty much guaranteed to lose about half of my games.  I suggest reading chess books, watching chess videos, or playing blitz (if you lose in blitz, it's easy to laugh it off, because everyone blunders).  Only play "real" competitive games when you are feeling confident and in a good mood.  For me, I think making mistakes is more frustrating than actually losing a game.  If I play my best and still get beat, it doesn't bother me so much.

I play alot more correspondence games than blitz and really enjoy those, i can take my time and play with the different variations to develop ideas. Blitz chess is different tho, i get a little more nervous about comitting to a move or idea because i dont have the analysis board nor the time to think that i am accustomed to and it kinda stresses me out but.. i overcame that by just playing blitz as my guinea pig.. more or less.. i try all kinds of weird ideas and new openings and like to see how they play out but if it doesnt work out - oh well, no biggie its just a blitz game.

dunno, bottom line is its just a game, it doesnt bother me if someone beats me i love seeing the strategy behind it, thats what makes it fun for me.

I get that way too sometimes. Something that helps is approaching playing as improvement oriented rather than win oriented. The only way to improve is by losing, because it should show you where your weaknesses are, or how your stronger opponent handled the game. First you have to admit to yourself that you're not the best in the world, and then treat every loss as a path to playing stronger. Easier said than done, I know.

 Oh, I DO like that!... Losing = Learning. I think I'll make a printout of that for him to add to his Chess Central! :) Thanks!

   Thanks everyone for responding. I honestly didn't think anyone would. I really just did this thread to blow off steam, but I appreciate the additions.

   My problem is that I have such high hopes for the future of chess. I want at least 1800 status from Fritz and to be able to play more comfortably without having to worry about blunders. I guess it all comes down to the confidence factor, and I always feel like "I need it now", and want to learn NOW, soak up all the information and BOOM...1800! (shrug) I don't know. I guess I am just being impatient...as usual. I just want to be so good at it. I mean I know I'll never be what I want to be, but I need to enjoy the journey of getting there.

   -Mark

t I think Fritz is not the ideal partner. 

I think Chessmaster is better because you can choose computer opponent lower than 1800 and you can win against the computer opponents lower than 1500 players giving you some victories. and you can play with blunder alert to get rid of your blunders.

This will give you an idea where you are.

I want to be the best as well but I know it takes time.

I dont know what the experience of others has been but mine has been that as I improved over the years the enjoyment of chess became less and less. Why?  Well, to improve I had to "work" at chess a lot and when you start working at something I think it loses something in the enjoyment/fun dept. When the games you lose are more depressing/upsetting than the games you win are uplifting/encouraging then there isnt a lot of enjoyment. So, if your main concern is to enjoy chess perhaps its best NOT to get too serious about it......

 Trolls need to eat too.

Wouldn't you get bored if you won all the? It might be fun for a while, but I'm sure it would get stale fast if there wasn't a challenge in it.

NM Reb- Maybe the higher up you go on the ladder, the more technical the game becomes but even at my level (1900s) the 3-4 hours a day I have put in over the last year hasn't diminished my enjoyment.

The reality is if you want to be good at chess, it helps to hate to lose. Whatever keeps you motivated to put up maximum resistance in a difficult positions and makes you study your defeats is good for your chess. 

You've identified your issue already. It has nothing to do with chess, so improving your play, getting to a certain rating, or whatever won't do anything to fix it. Also, if losing destroys your attitude so completely, I'd bet you're not a very pleasant winner, either. Your perspective needs to change so that you see the way you react to winning or losing is a far more reliable commentary on your person than is your play.

Perhaps if you think in that way, you'll be able to channel your hyper-competitiveness in a productive way, because you'll always be competing primarily against yourself: "Am I handling the result of this game better than I did last time?"

Chess, gin rummy, or tic-tac-toe; they're just games, and the things you really value and that are actually important are exactly the same after a loss, tie, or win as they were before play began.

If you need to step away periodically and find a non-competitive hobby instead, then do it. Play the tactics trainer or other things to keep your hand in if you can handle that. Always remember improvement is gradual, whether you're talking about your attitude or your game... 

  who is trolling here?

   Bobby - I still use Chessmaster for certain things but not to play. When I was using CM, people told me to get Fritz LOL so, I did.

   Reb - I love playing Chess, and it is enjoyable, and for my mental state, it's necessary, so chess is a must have in my life. Winning is a must since I am ultra-competitive, and that is what is killing Chess for me. I just need to relax and simmer down and enjoy playing. That I will have to work on. The study part of it maks it rough, because it DOES feel like work. But people are telling me when it feels like work, that means you're not fully enjoying it.

   Thanks everyone again for the feedback

   -Mark

   Jason - I've never been a happy winner, and when I was younger, losing lasted for days. Chess to me is so very important. I told my girlfriend yesterday that I NEED to improve at chess. I want to be able to join groups and contribute to vote chess or team matches. I want to be able to play Live or join Tourneys without feeling like a complete patzer. It's very serious for me to get better. I want to be able understand games and tactics that higher rated players use without it sounding like Sanskrit to me. So there are a lot of reasons for me to do Chess, I guess not all of them are going to pleasant.

You have 3 options:

1. Quit chess.

2. Stop taking the game so seriously.

3. Only play people 200+ points under your rating.

It's absurd to think that you'll get to be so good so that you''ll very rarely lose a game. Even Gm's lose a lot of their games ( in tournaments ), and the chance of you becoming so strong so that you'll almost never lose is very close to 0.

He didn't say that he needs to never lose, he said that he needs to have a better attitude about losing, which I am sure is something a lot of players struggle with.  Why don't you read the thread before posting?

  tarrasch - Well, #1 will never happen LOL because I love it too much. #2 is going to have to happen, because I can't give it up for a lot of reasons. And #3, well, I don't play OTB at all except maybe to teach my girlfriend what I know or what I am learning, and that really never develops into full games anyway. So, I get all my experience from Fritz 12.

Have some games that are important and other that aren't ! I view chess.com as training, although I like winning and seeing my rating go up it has to be said and dislike the reverse ! I view OTB as "serious" chess.....but very few are chess professionals and need to earn a living at it.

I also regard chess as a sort of "active" meditation that may encourage enhanced problem solving in the real world.