Most devilish strategy "The Farter"

Many a moon ago, I played in a small tournament. I arrived at my next game and greeted my opponent, a young boy at least a decade my junior, and 500 rating points below me. Easy game or so I thought.

Immediately as the game begins he passes gas. Ok now I am generally very polite (contrary to proof otherwise) and am a bit perturbed by this. Should I say something? What if it was an accident? A medical condition?? Ok I get up, for a breathe of fresh air, and decide to simply continue.

Oh but no, Farticus junior was far from being done. Every other move was met with sound and smell, Now each of my moves is worse than the one preceding, my concentration is gone, flight instinct is taking hold. At one point I intone "Are you OK?" to only be met with the apologetic "Sorry" (however I could see the cold twinkle in the little skunks eyes).

Mercifully, after less than than 10 moves, 5 of which were blunders on my part, and by far the worst game I ever played, I resigned.

And toward the young man Im torn between revulsion and admiration to this day. He may just have a future in politics... 

wow super lol I am cracking up right now

Sadly, it was completely true lol.

Farted while reading this for the fifth time, XD 

woow

Did you inform the tournament director about what was happening?

Yeah you should have, (mimicking serious tone) uh... sir, this kid keeps farting at my board, can you tell him to stop?

hahaha

Yeah, hand the TD a cork and shout "do you job!"

Or like a cat with a spray bottle.

Except instead of water use febreze.

Every time the kid poots, just spray it in his face

Honestly, I had no idea what to do, it was a very surreal situation.

and they call you stinkinghyena ...

the canadians have this figured out

probably inspired by piet mondrian. you need to have artistic taste like the canadians to appreciate it.