most useless chess item that you own

and most of my books

I have no idea if these exist. But I imagine that the most useless chess items that anyone COULD own would be:

Milli Vanilli CD: learn chess in 6 step by step chess songs about each chess piece.

Invitation written in blood from the arch fiend of the 9th gate of hell to play chess.

exquisite chess set made of ice.

Book: George Constanza plays chess. With foreward wriiten by The Backyard Professor.

Chess clock made out of solid chocolate; its time will be short.

Patzer detection device: an electronic gizmo that beeps when any of the 100 worst chess players in the world are within a 1 km radius.

Back in the days when I was a Commercial Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, and Go To man when things needed fixing, early 1970's, I ahd a friend who wrote a Program in Assembler to solve Mate in (X) problems.

We fed in the famous Edward Lasker vs Sir George Thomas position which led to the famous King Cakewalk, and after half an hour, WOW, we found a mate in 11. Stupid Lasker could only find a mate in 12!   

A few years ago, I put the position into my PC with one of those new engine programs.

WOW, POW, took 0.23 secs.

i have an extra black knight

not useful :)

I have MCO 11 1972 edition, and I took years to master the "algebraic". Depends what you were brought up on.

I still contend that the old Notation make it easier to "see" the position off the page. It also (and this important) describes the moves from the White and Black Point of View.

I contend that knowing both is better than just knowing one.  

Without agreeing to any step in your argument, I support your conclusion. Hardly a month goes by that I am not reading some old chess book in descriptive.

An extra black pawn that came with my triple weighted club set... Woulda preferred a 5th queen or another knight :)

You are easily lead, Nomad!

I have lots of bitzer sets. Where do all the lost pieces go? Must have a look in the back of the couch some time! 

If one of your sets was a triple weighted plastic set from chess house and you were missing a black pawn, then that'd be me   When it arrived and I saw the extra pawn I thought to myself how I would feel to get the set that's missing that 8th black pawn (I'm impatient when it comes to mail orders... waiting 3 days is like a month to me lol) 

Do you have a cat?

Actually my cat passed away on the 5th..... (am serious)

My empty bottle i drank from that had my favorite juice.

Trash!      Beat that one.

Of course, z, but she hates playing with the pieces! All they do is roll around in narrow circles.

She is having trouble getting her head around en passant, though, and she cannot Castle properly. She is left pawed, does not help.

I say any member that owns a New York Giants jersey right now!

What, royalbishop, they did beat Oakland after all, and I got the Score right exactement! 

O0000000000000k!      lol

I know how to contact you:

0000 Zero Ave

Zeroville, Zeron 00000

00@netzero.com

I have a chess book that doesn't have any pictures...

A rusted penny that is turning greenish blue.