Personally I understand what you are saying. While I'm not claiming any type of chess superiority, I find it frustrating as well. However, I try and determine what is his weaknesses. What must I do to prepare to punish them. In poker there is a saying "Punish the limpers" Same thing in chess. Some guy brings his queen and bishop out for an early attack, I will re-arrange my moves to keep him moving his queen while I'm getting my army out. Punish them for poor development. Use your better development to crush them.
I also found very helpful was studying mating patterns and techniques. You would be suprised how much you can punish a king in the middle of the board with no development
1) I tried everything I could to get as into poker as I am into chess and I just couldn't do it. It's a great game, but Chess is definitely more for me.
2) Tempo and development is the key, indeed. Once his "premature" attack fails, he'll wind up with less development and in a position where either attacking or defending, he'll have less fire power where it's needed. He won't be able to respond to your threats nor mount serious threats of his own.
I like both games. I go back and forth between poker and chess and surpisingly, both of them help me get better at the other. In chess, opponent just blasted through with his queen. In poker, you are facing a large river bet. Both cases, you have to evaluate everything to determine if your opponent can win. You always have more information in chess. I personally love to look at Tal's games. He's an amazing attacker, never afraid of an exchange and was absolutely brilliant at opening up attacking lines.
Sorry got a little off topic. In chess, if you opponent wants to neglect proper development to instead start trading pieces and attacking before they are developed, remember to punish him for his errors. In poker, you're on the button and have 7 limpers in front of you, punish them, raise. Doesn't matter what you're cards are. Although, watchout for the 1st person in, he might be holding the goods. Always keep evaluating your situation.
One word: Variance. I hate it. I cannot stand watching guys get lucky on the river.
If someone does a "premature attack" then by definition he is making a mistake and it is quite often a losing mistake.
So my thesis is you should not "avoid" situations where someone does a "premature" attack. Instead you should learn how to deal with premature attacks and then you will welcome "premature attacks"