Negative thoughts from cheating

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING.

Background: I used to cheat in games with the account @0-MG, and it's very obvious from the games. After a while, my account got banned, but I got a second chance. I have to say, I cheated a bit after I started playing in my new account, in a few moves in some daily games and in one rapid game, probably because of temptation. For the daily games, it was blunder-checking, which I don't do anymore. The rapid game that I cheated in was played against my friend; I cheated for 1-2 moves. It was very dumb. I rematched immediately. Feeling guilty with negative thoughts about cheating, I obviously played terribly. I apologized to him, even cried, and tried to send a message to the moderators (I couldn't find a way to do that). The few days after that incident of the cheated rapid game, I felt like I couldn't play chess anymore. Even till now, although I mostly recovered, in almost every rapid game, I still get these annoying thoughts, and that makes me really nervous/anxious from the distraction of thoughts. (My "logic" is that the moderators might find out that I played better than usual on that one rapid game. But, I don't know why the daily games don't cause these negative thoughts too, maybe because there is no time pressure?) I searched Google about this, but there were no relevant results. The results were just about people making fun of cheaters (yes, I agree, cheating is really, really dumb. I made fun of my own previous games too.) So, I decided to get this condition over with by writing this.
But first, really important, I have to say this:

I don't cheat anymore, in case it wasn't clear. There are much fewer and smaller temptations to cheat since I already got banned once, and because of the rapid game incident.

Please help me overcome the negative thoughts. (If you are a former cheater, do you get this too?) I am turning here for help, dear chess.com community. I can't hold this anymore. Do I get banned? Do I get a third chance or anything? I really, really love chess; it is my favorite thing; I have dreams of this; it's the only game I play online every day. Chess is even my only 'hobby'. One night, long after the incident, I fell asleep as late as MIDNIGHT (actually past 00:00), just worrying about me getting banned the next day from cheating.

In the game I played today, after I hung a rook, I started getting the thoughts and then blundered a fork that I saw/calculated during the game (Yes, I knew/calculated if I had played Ra1, there would be a fork. But still, I played it.)

SIDENOTE: I felt like when I started writing this, I can't stop giving more and more "venting", as they call it.

Now I finish writing, at least for now. Thank you everyone for reading this. I hope you all never cheat.

It is good that you have mended your ways. Alas, forum discussions of cheating are not allowed.

Join the Cheating Forum club, where it is allowed.