I am still alive. I am not done fighting and I am not giving up o7

Yet here I stand, against it all

I’m finally on my feet despite the fall

I still feel the pain most days

But I’m stepping into a new place

It’s like when your arm loses feeling

You shake it and shake it again and again

Then pins and needles flood your fingertips

You’re still numb but healing is bliss

Despite the emotions I face every day

I recognize the signs of growth

My ADHD is back and it’s a wonderful sight

Tapping my bones, joking and laughing light

My lips are not sealed anymore

My life is something I’m starting to adore

I’m thinking about my own future again

Who I want to be, how I will change when

I graduate school, the jobs I’ll greet

The activities I’ll do, the people I’ll meet

I’m brushing my teeth and taking showers

I’m doing laundry and changing clothes

I cleaned my room for the very first time

Since I really felt like I was doing fine

I still have work to do but don’t you see

How Jesus is healing me

A break from the fear teaches me

The responses that my body is releasing

The fight or flight, how I long for escape

Now I’m settling into a normal pace

I’m facing eternity instead of my past

I see now how the light and the dark can contrast

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??!

Why’d you tell me he must love me
God, those words are so disgusting

If he loved me he would never
Lay his hands on me and act so clever

If he loved me why’d he laugh
Tell me, if he loved me, why’d he do that

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

nervös

I bite my nails to the quick
My fingers are now slick

Cause I bite and pull back
The hangnails I now lack

I wash my hands and it stings
My feet bounce and swing

The inside of my mouth is raw
My teeth like to rip and claw

My bottom lip is currently ripped
And the edge of my mouth quivers

When I think of the words
‘Siddle lister’

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

She hates me

Or that's what she said last night
That's what I told myself this morning
I told myself that it's all part of the creative process
I told myself that a relapse happens sometimes
They don't ask how many days I've got under my belt
They ask how many times I've quit quitting
She bit through my bottom lip one time
All the way through
She laughed while she did it
She had one hand in my hair
And the other around my neck
She laughed again
Licking the blood off her teeth
I think she liked watching mе bleed
Six years and I still can't let
Someonе touch me the way that she did

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And you ask me to lay my head down
Take a load off, watch the bees
I started tumbling down the hillside
Muddy bruises
Follow me
But you kept laying in the blades of grass so verdant so pristine
I guess we all get overgrown
I guess we all get overgrown

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FaithfulServant