Why hello there.

One day, I saw a squealing piglet race from the center of a box. "What is he doing there?" I asked myself. "Hey, pig!" The piglet turned around and, in a surprisingly deep voice, responded, "Hi. Would you like to listen to Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147 with me?" This was my all-time favorite song, so I refused, purposefully adding a little sparkle to my eye signifying that I would in fact love to listen to Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147 with this pig. However, the pig didn't catch this and replied, "Cool. Catch ya' on the flippity flip." I was enraged at the carelessness of the pig, whom I had decided would be named Ricardo. To express this, I screamed and did a very angry dance.

Ricardo began to cry once he saw the little sparkle in my eye that signified that I would like to listen to Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147 with him, the pig wearing a pair of sky blue headphones connected to a computer he had been dragging behind him. He did a very regretful jig in return and his sobs were reduced down to a small whimper.

"Nice dancing," came an annoyingly squeaky voice from behind me. I looked over to see Mr. Shoe standing about a step away from me. "But you should've saved it for Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147. That's a very regretful song that was practically made for that jig. Say, can I join in on the Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147 party?"

The pig responded, "Well, I'm already listening to Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben, BWV 147."

Enraged yet again, I shot my flare gun down at the ground next to my feet. At that moment, my good friend Professor Tim Blazeman Shrew, Ph.D. appeared. "Hey, Professor Tim Blazeman Shrew, Ph.D.!!!" I exclaimed excitedly. Lil' Tim (that's the rapper name he goes by) responded snarkily. My response was way more sincere. Mr. Shoe laughed at Lil' Tim's shirt. Lil' Tim's retort showed us just how hurt and sensitive he was. Ricardo then spontaneously combusted into a pile of glitter. As Lil' Tim ate the glitter, Ricardo jumped on Mr. Shoe's head.

"Ow!!!" I yelled, hurt by my friend jumping on my dentist.

Then something remarkable happened. A robin flew over and landed on a tree nearby. It just stared at us, then looked toward the hazel tree which was trying to repeat Ricardo's regretful jig. As the tree jumped up, the land below us sunk. As the tree landed, we were blown into the air, flying like seven clumsy pheasants. About two seconds had passed, and I was getting hungry.

"Do you have any Hungarian paprika potatoes?" asked Ricardo and me in perfect unison.

"Naaaaahhh, maaan," replied Professor Tim Blazeman Shrew, Ph.D, who had mysteriously become a sheep, though it took me a few days to notice. "Yep, I ate all my Hungarian paprika potatoes a few minuets ago. Beethoven, I think it was, maaaaan. Wait... yeah, maaaan, I think it was Mozart. Yeah, maaaan. Maaaaaan, you should pack your own Hungarian paprika potatoes, maaaaaaaaaaan! Stop bothering me, maaaaaan! You just won't let me eat my Hungarian paprika potatoes without getting jealous and envious and green-eyed and greedy and gross and grueling and granola-loving and so on and so forth! NEVER!" After a small pause, he added, "Ya' know, I thinks I smell some Hungarian paprika potatoes in -"

"LIL' TIM!!!" bellowed Mr. Shoe.

Professor Tim Blazeman Shrew, Ph.D had, at that very moment, been smacked in the face with Mr. Shoe by Señor Falcon the Falcon.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Señor Señor Falcon the Falcon?"

"Lo siento, señor," Señor Señor Falcon the Falcon, as they have called him (for they had no idea Señor and Señor meant the same thing) for the last half a fortnight. ""¡El me estaba volviendo loco! ¡El no dejaba de hablar! ¡Y nada de lo que decía era importante! ¡Solo estaba gritando! ¡Y me dolía los oídos! ¡Los halcones tienen oídos muy delicados, ya sabes! Aunque, lo se que las musarañas tienen aún más ¿Oídos delicados. ¿Lo hacen? ¿Cuánto sabes sobre tus oídos, profesor Tim Blazeman Shrew, Ph.D? Eh, no importa. Yo importo. Importo tanto, tanto en este mundo porque... porque. Sí, sé lo que estás pensando. "¡Oh, Dios mío, el es tan increíble!" "¡Lo sé, cierto! ¡El es tan inspirador!" Pero ya basta de mí. Mis jirafas, que les regalo a las arañas ... o tal vez a las serpientes ... en realidad creo que se las doy a las ratas. De todos modos, es solo una forma de conocer a aquellos a quienes les regalo jirafas, no solo para hacer dinero (mucho dinero, en realidad) haciendo juguetes! Jajaja! Ahora ESO sería una tontería, porque yo- "

"STOP!" screamed Ricardo.

"Hahaha!" said Lil' Tim.

Suddenly, we tumbled onto the ground in a large pile - even the hawk plummeted to the ground! I turned on my MITS Altair 8800 and went straight to chess.com - and I was amazed by the wonderful website!

And that's how I got into chess.

Thank you for your time.

Thank you very much.

Bye.

That was probably a lot of time you wasted by reading that whole thing.

Oh well.

Bye.

Thank you again.

Bye.

LordCookie87