Welcome to counter theory, home of the Counter Theory Opening (CTO, or B27.5, according to the official chess-openings classification system). Via this account, I will continue to explore the dubious merits of this unique opening system, showing how it can become a truly lethal weapon against people who have no idea how to play chess. The strengths of this entirely counter-theoretical approach to opening theory are far too numerous to list here. But, in essence, the CTO disarms unsuspecting players rated 350 and below, allowing them to form the not-unreasonable opinion that their opponent is either a patzer, a troll or, more likely, both. In response, the now-confident player proceeds to over extend. With almost-complete disregard for the CTO practitioner's ability not to blunder every single piece, and still mocking of the CTO's pawn formation, s/he begins to play in a cavalier fashion, reveling in his/her space advantage and complete control of the centre. Yet, to their growing consternation and surprise, the CTO proves slightly less terrible than it appears. With a patient shuffling of the minor pieces, the CTO's highly penetrable wall turns into a formidable advance of rolling pawns, winning back space and, ultimately, asfixiating the now-bewildered opponent. The result for the practitioner of the CTO is a crushing victory that is never deserved but that produces a warm glow of satisfaction in the knowledge that the loser is now forced to re-evaluate the little that they had ever learned about opening theory. Ultimately, this painful and confusing process leads to a tortuous, soul-searching journey that only produces more questions, leaving the hapless victim a mere shell of the person they once were.