I have had a wonderful time in this website and will not forget it.
I really put a lot of passion in all I did while I was here. I most certainly behave that way for everything I do, but in here it was a bit more special since it felt like an exciting journey. Well, even though that might not be the main goal (for it is chess, right?) but I still enjoyed the ride.
I started when I was really a lot childish, and frankly, I still am a bit. Sometimes I fight - against my dumb will to grab attention.. well, everyone has its ups and downs, right?
Fact is, I need to take a break. Not just from chess but from the most demanding commitments. I am going through a phase in my life where I am starting to finally grasp at my certainties, and in order to verify them, I'll need time. Time, cuz I have a lot going on right now. I need to pay my house for more five years straight yet to come, and it is a bit of a heavy bill, not the heaviest, but heavy, to some extent. I need to realocate my strenght as to find better conditions of life, since I have a great perception and an outstanding sensibility, but I do not have papers. Unfortunately, in this here Earth upon we all live and make our names, what you feel and know do not suffice, unless you have the papers.
There is also a peculiarity in my behavior which demands constant (and unfortunately a bit too much frenetic) change. A change that is rather violent at times, violent and radical, something between fire and thunder, I don't know.. But I need to focus now more than ever. Surely there's still plenty of time, but not as much as there was before, and I'm starting to feel the years pass me by, sometimes patting me on the back. I've reached 26 when last may's bees flew around. And I don't feel like I have accomplished all I could. Threw some chances away when I was a teenager, took some delayed paths, but it all became wisdom, in a certain way. But not only out of wisdom are our lives shaped. Through our actions the blacksmith forges its weapons.
My mind is working too heavily lately. I am always too aware, don't seem to relax. I work a lot and I need to stay always alert. Not only I need it. I like it. That's what makes me who I am and I am proud of it. But I have been grabbing everything I could find ahead of me, suddenly realising that I do not have the room for it all. In fact, no one has.
Chess is a game that requires you to fully put your mind into it. It is a beautiful game, and maybe the most complex of all. I love it. But the dreams of becoming ideally strong at it are too far away from the line I've crossed. I have reached a point in my life where I do not have the resources to focus on chess anymore. There are, unfortunately, other priorities more important to me in the short run. And since I started playing the game a bit too late, eventually I crashed against the wall of prodigism, where I suddenly realized that I would need to run twice as fast than someone who grew up amongst chess for to obtain the natural flow of playing it accurately. I have reached a point where I needed the "being a pro" food to suit myself, while all I wanted was the "just for fun" one. Suddenly I couldn't enjoy it as much as before, and began to acquire a rather contraditory behavior. Instead of having fun, I actually started to fear the practice of the game a bit.
This is likely to be a phase, but I can't resolve this issue right now. Like I said before, I need to focus on fixing my life, and so I will have to take a break from the website. I also engaged in some projects with few close friends here, but when you do something - and put your soul into it - sadly are always born the expectations. My anxious nature really leads me to expect a bit more than it is usual, which kind of made me a bit sad when I started translating content, and had only two or three people really interested on checking out what it was about and interacting. Felt like playing a lead role on a concert for an almost empty audience, and that sucks. I also signed for translator and member support, but maybe I wasn't fit for any? Well, anyway, high were the hopes again, and their "not-so" surprise blows hit me.
Anyway, down to the point. I am leaving. Maybe for a while, maybe for a long time, huh. This seems quite the dramatic stuff. Well, it is not meant to.
Just wanted to leave written here on my profile some of the causes which I felt have led me into this decision, and also thank a lot of the people that made part of this journey. So, a big THANK YOU to all my friends and people I have considered here.
There are probably a bit more people, if I ever recall, I'll update the list.
Thank you again. Goodbye for now.