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Stuff Non-Chess Players Say


  • 27 hours ago · Quote · #4041

    but

    @Camber Is that a stormtrooper rejoicing about an order to blow up the cars in the background?

    (MY profile pic = me...from like 10 or 20 years ago...

  • 27 hours ago · Quote · #4042

    akafett

    dragonair234 wrote:

    I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Is that a heart on your shirt?

    Yes. It is the Pediatric Cardiovascular Program logo associated with Duke University Hospital.

  • 25 hours ago · Quote · #4043

    dragonair234

    Smile

  • 21 hours ago · Quote · #4044

    dragonair234

    but wrote:

    @Camber Is that a stormtrooper rejoicing about an order to blow up the cars in the background?

    (MY profile pic = me...from like 10 or 20 years ago...

    heh heh Smile

  • 21 hours ago · Quote · #4045

    Thoth33

    ThrillerFan wrote:

    I've seen people come to a restaurant that has a chess club, go into the area where the club is, and say any or all of the following:

    "You know you can not beat me bro!"

    "Chess, isn't that just like checkers?"

    "Are you any good at it?"

    "What's your rank?"

    "I heard you say castling to the other guy, what is that?  Moving the castle somehow?"

    I go to a chess club that meets in a Natural Foods Co-Op, and we leave the door open, because there's always a lot of pretty women in that store for some reason. Sometimes people stop in the door way and just stare and ask "Wow, do people really still play chess?" or say "Oh, I'm just watching, I dont wanna play." Of all the noobs that are the noobiest at anything, non-chess players are the noobiest of all.

  • 20 hours ago · Quote · #4046

    drunkjosh

    JayBo308 wrote:

    No chess club, dragonair. Try to play sometimes with some locals but one guy cheats by taking his moves back and another guy talks too much during the game, like forecasting moves or explaining what COULD have happened two moves ago. Aaaargh--that drives me nuts. Sometimes it's nice to just play a silent online game.

    With people who aren't really chess players, unfortunately sometimes you have to put up with things like this if you want to help them get into the game. We have a couple local chess clubs; I orgnanized one of them personally, but it isn't really a "chess club" so much as a group of people that get together, drink beer, and hang out with a bunch of chess boards. People of all skill levels play together there. A few of us are tournament players, but most of the people that come aren't.

    What has become the general practice in this group is that when someone makes a serious tactical error and the other player sees it right away, they'll say something like "I don't really think you can make that move," and instead of letting the losing side continue on for 20 moves in a game they don't realize is completely hopeless (something I've seen happen countless times in casual games), the weaker player gets a tactical exercise and a small lesson, and both players get a better game.

  • 13 hours ago · Quote · #4047

    JayBo308

    Good idea to explain a small lesson with beginner players. When I was in 6th grade and was playing against an older student who won every game, I asked him many times, 'Tell me why you moved that piece there,' so he could at least give me a basic idea of strategy, otherwise I would be making meaningless moves. It helped because after losing about 8 or 9 games in a row, I finally won.

  • 11 hours ago · Quote · #4048

    dragonair234

    drunkjosh wrote:
    JayBo308 wrote:

    No chess club, dragonair. Try to play sometimes with some locals but one guy cheats by taking his moves back and another guy talks too much during the game, like forecasting moves or explaining what COULD have happened two moves ago. Aaaargh--that drives me nuts. Sometimes it's nice to just play a silent online game.

    With people who aren't really chess players, unfortunately sometimes you have to put up with things like this if you want to help them get into the game. We have a couple local chess clubs; I orgnanized one of them personally, but it isn't really a "chess club" so much as a group of people that get together, drink beer, and hang out with a bunch of chess boards. People of all skill levels play together there. A few of us are tournament players, but most of the people that come aren't.

    What has become the general practice in this group is that when someone makes a serious tactical error and the other player sees it right away, they'll say something like "I don't really think you can make that move," and instead of letting the losing side continue on for 20 moves in a game they don't realize is completely hopeless (something I've seen happen countless times in casual games), the weaker player gets a tactical exercise and a small lesson, and both players get a better game.

    Wow! Three very interesting posts above!

    Our Chess Club is casual too. There's one guy who I want to offer advice to, but the last time I tried, he shrugged it off and didn't want to listen to the whole thing. I wasn't offended because we're all their at our own free will. But it'd be nice to see some motivation to improve and not make the same mistakes repeatedly (insanity, is it called?). So I liked reading about the small chess lessons you offer in your club. Very encouraging to read! 

  • 11 hours ago · Quote · #4049

    deafdrummer

    -So, like, are you really great at chess? "Nah... Though I've had this chess set for two years, I've only played it 3 or 4 times."

    -Have you been to, like, tons and tons of tournaments  "Oh, they have tournaments?  Where can I go?"

    -Have you ever played timed chess  "No...  I take too long to move and get disqualified during the first move."

    -Do you know the name of like, all the best chess players in the history of chess "Uhh, Staunton?"

    -Are you paranoid about having your chess pieces perfectly centered in each square "Yes, move your butt over to your right 2.34 inches, please."

    -What if I copied the exact same moves you made for the entire game, what would happen "I dunno...  Let's try it."

    -Can I promote my pawn to a pawn, or can I promote it to a king to have two kings "Sure, why not?!  Let's see the kings duke it out for the top spot!"

    -Is it at all possible to promote all my pawns to queens "Absolutely!" (and then lay waste to all but two of his pawns off to the side so your king is not threatened, don't check his king with your current pieces, move all your pawns up front, convert to queens, and corner that rat bastard on the side or wherever he ends up at)

    -How does my castle move "You'll need jacks and a house mover for that" or "Because your side is black, you can only move sideways."

    -Is that a bishop or a knight... oh it's a rook okay "No, it's a castle, you know, where the king lives?" (and proceed to show him what castling means by putting the king on top of the rook)

    -(5 seconds later) what's this piece "It's one of eight chess ho's.  They do whatever I want them to do, including jumping the opponent's pieces and checkmating the king in one move."

    -Why can this bishop only move on white squares and that one only moves on black squares "Uh, because they can't stay on the straight and narrow in their lives.  Come on, they're human..."

    -Can the horse move there, can it move there, there, there  "Not really.  The horse's rider, known as the knight, can direct the horse there."

    -Can you teach me how to get really good at chess "Absolutely!  Your sister - is she gay?  Fetch her for me, will ya?"

    -Can you teach me how to checkmate someone in 5 moves (proceed to show several ways of 5-checkmating that break every rule in the book)

    -Want me to teach you Fool's Mate "What is that?  Some kind of game?" (after he shows you his big (little) one, play a game and mop his butt all over the board)

    -Why can't the pawn take there - (OP - you mean "take that" or "go there?") "Because you're supposed to only take pieces of equal standing if you're playing as black."

    -I thought this piece was the king "Look at the starting position on this board.  Do you think the king would really care about whether his shoes matches his clothes?  Isn't that what queens do?"

    -Why did you move the king and rook at the same time, you didn't tell me you could do that, that's not fair move it back "You can only do that as white.  That's why we have coin tosses or put the stronger player on black to give the weaker player the playing advantage."

    -Everyone's better at chess than me "Were you a Romantic Era chess player in your past life?  M'Lord, things have changed..."

    -Mind if I watch your game, I don't want to play, I just want to watch, I'm just watching "Sure, no problem.  By the way, is that your sister?" "No, she's my girlfriend."  "Are you two in an open relationship?  I really like her."

    -Haha it looks like checkers (no response to that, so damn dumb.  Someone ACTUALLY said this??)

    -I bet you'd be a master at checkers (sets up a checkers game and purposely loses EVERY TIME with $5 bets, and then bets $50 for the game and says "I think I got it figured out, now.  Let's try again.")

  • 10 hours ago · Quote · #4050

    dragonair234

    ^Nice work! I like the "moving castle," the "king on the castle," and the "horse" jokes (-;

  • 7 hours ago · Quote · #4051

    erikzambrano

    Jacob_Klein22 wrote:

    Best thing I've ever heard someone say.

    (At begining of the game) They bunny hop their Rook over their pawn and say that they castled.... 

    Second best thing. (Near endgame) Their king and rook are on opposite ends of board. I put him in check adn he castles his king from one end of the  board to the other end, and oppostie side where the rook was.. " That's the other way to castle" he said.

    I guess one would have to be stoned in order to understand that kind of logic. Hahahahahaha.


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