What really grinds my gears...

... is when I'm playing someone for the first time, whether online/live or over-the-board, and the player finds it necessary to "show-off" his book knowledge.

Like last night, I played some kid for first time that I had just met (he lives on my dorm floor). Now, granted, he was a very cool kid overall, but this little "trait" still stuck in my spine.

Anyway, last night, I was playing around on my board alone in the hall study lounge. He comes by and offers a game with me. I lucked out when he picked the black pawn out of my closed fist, and the game began:

1. e4

*under his breath* "king-pawn opening..." and then outloud "I think I'll go Sicilian."

1...c5

And he continued to, throughout the game, blatantly drop terms like "en passant" and "j'adoube". This, though I didn't show it at all, drove me nuts. I'm sure he felt like a real badass just emphasizing the word Sicilian as he slams down the pawn. I was just screaming on the inside, "Yeah, I know! Cool! Good for you!"

This just goes along with the stereotype that chess players carry a pompous elegance with themselves; apparently some hold it to fellow players as well. He saw me playing and thought to himself "oh, I'm moderately familiar with chess. I should go spew my knowledge all over this noob." (when in reality, my theory was much better prepared than his and I won, a very good game I might add. )

On another note, this has happened to me before online as well;

I play 1. c4

"aah, the English."

Wow, guy, cool! Thanks for telling me what I played, since I obviously don't know what it's called, seeing as how I'm the one that played it, right?!?!?

Anyway, that's all I really have to say about the situation.

So I ask you: tell me about times when you've encountered situations like this. Does it bother you? Are you culprit to this? (you shan't be judged) Or just tell me how you feel about my episode.

~Dakota Clark

same since as you can see i am 13 i played this little 10 year old kid otb for fun we transposed into the french he was like a the french i bet you dont know this. the funny part is that i had just beat him with the french and another funny thing that happened 10 moves in he tried to make me resign saying that my position was awful and that i was losing but i was up a whole queen this is just part one post if you want me to include the rest

Chill, girl

I haven't encountered this yet. I really hope that when it does happen, I'll manage to quietly wipe him off the board -- that's the only real reply to this sort of thing, I think.

I suddenly remember a shameful episode from the past... Time for a confession:

When I was 13, my high school played in a huge sports tournament against other high schools; chess was one of the sports. I was a rank beginner, didn't play chess, only knew the rules, but I fancied a day off from normal school (and hated actual sports). I signed up for the team, and since only four people signed up for a team of four, I was selected.

The team captain was a 17 year old club player. He played one quick game against me to see how good I was, decided I was useless and sacrificed me on board 1.

So I would sit, see 1.e4, and actually talk to myself like "hmm, what shall we do this time..." and play something random (I really can't remember - rank beginner play).

This one guy played really ridiculously quickly, used a second per move and hit the clock in one fluent robotic movement; it looked incredibly nerdy to me. So I started taunting him... For like half the game I tried to make fun of his nerdy ways.

This was probably a lot more annoying than what the OP described, and must have been very bad for the players around us as well, who kept silently playing their games but of course heard it all. What can I say? I was a stupid kid. The bigger nerd as well, actually.

He did manage to quickly wipe me off the board, of course. His name was Loek van Wely. The same day he played a 30 minutes vs 1 minute game against the best player of all the other teams, and was really angry at himself for allowing a stalemate, after first taking all the other guy's pieces vs almost nothing.

So let us remember that the annoying kid will probably come to regret his attitude in time...

I think this needs a bit of context. Sometimes I use a comment about which opening is being employed as a way to see if the guy is conversational at all (the opening is at the start after all!). Also I play a couple of guys regularly here and we'll both say things like "trying the Dragon this time are we?"

That was a funny and observant post. Just letting you know you made one other person smile in this gruesome world.

I had a similar situation once. I was at a party with some freinds and I was suprised to see two guys palying chess at the coffee table. Being a chess player myself I was drawn to that area to watch. One guy was doing the same crap, spouting out the name of the opening being played, and acting like the best player in the area. Well it doesn't take much to be the best player in that type of setting.

After the game was over he looked up at me and said "you know how to play". I respnded with "yeah, the knights are the ones that move in an L-shape right" Of course I already knew that. Naturally I beat him like a hooker, and when I mated him i scrathed my head and said "I think thats checkmate, right?". It was even funnier when he thought he just lost to a noob, and to prove it wasn't a fluke I beat him twice more after that. He didn't feel like playing anymore.

You know what really grinds my gears? People who make Family Guy references. The show is not funny and it's people like you who contribute to Seth Macfarlen (mc) being the highest paid television writer (at 200 million a year).

ps,

know what grinds MY gears?

when people call swine flu "H1N1".

Really? My kid is recovering from it and I say H1N1 because my boy isn't a swine and he didn't catch it from one either -- what's your issue?

There are those players (usually young) who think they are really good because they know the name of a ton of openings and their variations and can mention a new move on move like 18 that a GM found, but has no idea why that move or the moves leading to it were played in the first place.

What really grinds my gear is that you made 2 threads about what really grinds my gear which grinds my gear.

Yeah, I've seen it happen and it indeed was hilarious.

 You could have said "Well, if you go Nf6 and I follow with 2. d4 and you play e6 and I play 3. Nc3  and you go Bb4 we have ourselves a Nimzo, now don't we?  Or, I could play Nf3 and you play b6 and we're Queen's Indian."  Sometimes you may just have to throw it right back in their faces.

Good for you that you won, though.  That's the ultimate way to shut someone up.