Not Crimea - Please, Don't Explain!

This topic is for not discussing important or interesting events in Eastern Europe, off the coast of Chile or anywhere else in the known Universe. Instead it should consist of poorly-formulated opinions about random grandmasters, living or dead or undead.

It may also consist of stories of any word length less than 7 and a half.

If you are the biggest fan of lord of the rings, star trek or Buck Rogers, please wait to post until the very end of this topic.

I would also invite you to consider my less interesting bullet wins in which I won purely because my opponent dropped a queen. Of course this has only a minuscule bearing on actual chess talent, a fact which I will nonetheless vehemently dispute throughout the forum.

Suggestions for changing the rules of chess because you didn't know them until five minutes ago are welcome, as is general carping/whinging about your rating or disconnects.

Above all, please do not be relevant, helpful or nice.

My rating sucks. Should I blame it on the earthquake or Putin?

I think Ivanchuck would have won the world championship if he had been adopted and raised by wolves as a baby, like Romulus and Remus.

What if the wolves played poker instead of chess?

I didn't specify the world CHESS championship... did I?

I think the championship will be won b....

Ivanchuk is in reality not raised by wolves.  He was raised by researchers at the University of Stalingrad as one of the early Soviet studies to attempt teaching human sign language to apes.  Although most apes that have been taught to communicate in this manner have lead lives full of tragic stories of neglect, abuse, and heartbreak, the shaved ape known as Ivanchuk managed to sky rocket to the top of the chess world.

Do you have a method for making your opponent drop a Q in bullet & can you recommend any Jeremy Rupert Bear books that will help me perfect it?

I consider the chess.com rating system to be completely unrealistic. There is no possible way that a bone-headed idiot like me should be rated at 2139.

Damn, blueemu, you've played a lot of queen-droppers.

i've never murdered anyone but i do read books by bloodgood.  he was framed.